*drum opening* Ensemble: Dooo wat tata ta ta da, doo wat tata ta ta da Do wat ta tata ta ta da Do wat tata ta ta da Do wat tata ta da da Do wat ta ta dadada Do wat tata ta dada, do wat tata dadada Light that flame, get that Light that flame, get that Light that flame, get that Light that flame, get that Power That power That power That power Light that flame, get that Light that flame, get that Light that flame, get that Light that flame, get that FIRE THAT FIRE Molag: Wow! Did you see that? Everybody singin’ and dancin’! Woah, that looked like fun! And what about that bright orange stuff at the end of that stick? Now, we call that… Fire…ooh fiyuuh Okay, now I know what you’re thinking, You’re going, “fire, so what? We got that!” Well guess what, you privileged fucks. There was a time in history, when no one had seen this shit before! And y’all, that’s what this story’s all about. How humanity discovered fire, and how it, for better or worse, changed the world. Now short version, it was good for us: absolutely devastating for everything else on Earth. But to tell the long version, we gotta take it back. WAAAY back. Back to a time…when… Ensemble: *singing* The leaves fall from the trees Just as they will The sky is blue The clouds are white The stars move across the sky but in this time, we don’t know why… We’ve got to figure it out We’ve got to find ourselves some answers We are people now, we are people now Molag: Yes. With the power of our minds, we humans were making all sorts of new discoveries. For example: babies. Mmmmm, babies. They are deliciouuuuus. But you can’t eat them, or else there won’t be any new people. Okay, these are things… that may seem obvious to you privileged fucks. But we were flying by the seat of our uh-…uh, I don’t even know what. And with all these new thoughts popping up, not all of them fit together. And as the sun rises on this new day, Your ancestors emerged from their caves engaged in the most profound intellectual disagreement humanity had seen up to that point. And we called it: The Great Debate. Chorn: Chorn. Smelly-Balls: No. Chorn: Chorn. Smelly-Balls: NO! Chorn: CHORN! Smelly-Balls: NO! Chorn: Chorn! [all arguing] Jemilla: Enough! Everyone: Jemilla! Our leader Jemilla! Jemilla: This great debate has gone on for far too long. It is time we put an end to it, once and for all. Chorn, For many moons now you have said the word Chorn. Because…that’s all you can say. Chorn: Chorn. Jemilla: Yes. Chorn. And you, However you have chosen to interpret the word Chorn, you’ve decided to respond by saying: No. Smelly-Balls: You’re over simplifying my argument, but that’s essentially what I’m saying, yeah! Jemilla: Okay. okay. What if we tried looking at it from a different point of view? What if when Chorn says Chorn, instead of saying no, You said yes? *ding* Smelly-Balls: I honestly had never thought of that before. Jemilla: Okay, Alright. You wanna give it a try? Smelly-Balls: Uh, uh- okay Jemilla: Yeah? Smelly-Balls: Yeah. Jemilla: Chorn, you got this. Chorn: Chorn. Smelly-Balls: yesss. Yes. Yes! YES! Jemilla: The great debate is finally over! Everyone: YAAAAAYYY! Emberly: Oh, you did it, Jemilla! Keeri: Let’s give it up for Jemilla, the one who knows things! Schwoopsie: Jemilla- the Chorn whisperer! Tiblyn: No! No! Jemilla the Peacemaker! Everyone: Peacemaker! Smelly-Balls: Jemilla, I can honestly say there is not a drop of bad blood between Chorn and I. You’re well named, Peacemaker. Jemilla: You are well named too, Smelly-Balls. Smelly-Balls: Yes. My balls smell. All hail Jemilla! Everyone: Jemilla! Jemilla! No no no no no Jemilla! Jemilla: Stop, stop, stop worshipping me. Gone are the days of superstition and bowing before false deities. All of that angers the all powerful duck we worship. Ducker: HEEEE created the universe! And he is a jealous duck! Let us pray! Everyone: We humble ourselves before the Duck. Ducker: And offer it a clean and pleasing worship! The Duck: Quack. Ducker: The Duck is pleased! Oh, the Duck is pleased. Jemilla: Wonderful. Well, now that we have the Duck’s blessing, that means that we can get back to work. Right gang? Oh, we have a loooot of new discoveries that need to be made, A lot of nuts and berries that need to be gathered. Zazzalil: Uh, Jemilla? Jemilla. Um, we just worked yesterday. And the day before that, And the day before that, Maybe we could just… take a day off? Do some singing and dancing, Keeri just invented dancing. Keeri: It’s dancing! Jemilla: ohhhhh. That does look amazing Keeri, but I’m sorry. You know, there’s just only so much light in the day before the darkness comes. And then we have to get back to the cave, I’m sorry. We’ve got work to do. *everyone groaning* There’s just not time for singing and dancing right now. We’ve got work to- Zazzalil: I don’t really wanna do the work today, I don’t really wanna do the work today. *in a whining voice* I don’t really wanna do the work today. I don’t wanna do the work today. Jemilla: What? What’s this? Zazzalil: Uh-oh! Everyone but Jemilla: I don’t really wanna do the work today. I don’t really wanna do the work today, I don’t really wanna do the work today. I don’t wanna do the work today. Jemilla: How do you guys all know this dance? Zazzalil: Just figured out how to move, how to sing, how to groove, and now you’re tellin’ me, I gotta work today! Jemilla: Keeri, did you choreograph this and teach everyone? Where was I? Zazzalil: You know that feeling, when you find the thing that blows your mind, and next thing you know, they wanna take it away! Jemilla: Okay, I am not trying to take anything away, I’m just telling you not to do something. Everyone but Jemilla: Yeah, but you heard what Jemilla said. I know, I know, I know You gotta work to get ahead! Our people have to grow we’ve got to harness our pride, Jemilla: Thank you. Everyone but Jemilla: and keep it up to survive. Jemilla: Thank you. Alright now listen, girls, let me reiterate. I know it’s hard to just work with no play. I hope we all understand the importance of what we do, and how this world is full of obstacles we’ve gotta work through. We got so much to do already, you and me have made discoveries, that have helped our kind in so many ways. Everyone: Ayy, Jemilla! Jemilla: Alright, seriously though, guys we don’t have time for this. We’ve gotta wrap it up right now! I hope you’re feeling proud, we’re breaking through the shroud of mystery, and our history’s growin’ every day. Emberly: Aww, come on Jemilla, you know we’re just messing with ya! *singing* I’ve got the best job, ’cause I’m in charge of food. I gotta eat everything to find out what tastes good, *spits* DON’T EAT THAT! NO ONE EAT THAT! Smelly-Balls: When I’m not kicking ass, I sit and stare at the grass, and let the time pass, to find out how it grows. Everyone: And? Smelly-Balls: I still don’t know. Everyone: Oh. Smelly-Balls: I STILL DON’T KNOW! Schwoopsie and Chorn: We’ve been watching our shadows every day, we notice when the sky is cloudy, they go away. We’re trying to explain. Ducker: What could they be? These dark spirits that follow us. No matter how fast we run, they are trying to SWALLOW US! RUN! RUN! Jemilla: Okay, okay. Ducker: THE SPIRITS only the DUCK can SAVE US- Jemilla: It’s okay. It’s okay. Ducker: Oh, Sorry. Jemilla: It’s okay, okay. Ducker: Thank you, Jemilla. Jemilla: Yes. Ducker: I love you. Jemilla: ookay. Alright, guys, we’re gonna be fine. Listen, *singing* So many wondrous things here for our kind, a world of tools and knowledge left to find. And I hope to bring you there. Because you know how much I care. So, we’ll join each other, hand in hand, and try to help ourselves to understand, this world is what we make of it! Together! This is the dawn, the dawn of our time. We are mankind, with the gift of a greater mind. Everyone: This is the dawn, the dawn of our time. We are womankind, with the gift of a stronger mind. Jemilla: *sigh* Emberly, Emberly: Mhm? Jemilla: You know those bushes we were talking about? Emberly: The ones with the great big thorns all over ’em? Jemilla: Yeah. Could you go eat those? Emberly: Oh. Definitely. Jemilla: Let us know what you think, okay? *mwah* You’re the best. Smelly-Balls, Smelly-Balls: Yeah? Jemilla: C’mere. Listen, if you’re stumped on grass, why don’t you move onto something else, like, why don’t you figure out where the sun goes at night? Smelly-Balls: The sun? Jemilla: Yeah. Smelly-Balls: The sun is a man. A cowardly man. And I scare him away at the end of every day by screaming at him like this: AAAAAAAUUUGHGGGHGH! Jemilla: Ah, oh, okay. Good, good, good. Good job, Smelly. Smelly-Balls: AAAAUGH! Jemilla: Oo-kay. Molag: Yep, old Jemilla was doing alright, but what she didn’t know, was on this particular day, everything was about to change. And that’s, where I come in! Ah ha ha! Hey, Jemilla. Jemilla: Oh, Grandmother Molag, the eldest and wisest of our tribe! Good journey. Molag: Oh, good journey, my child. You know, never did I think I’d live to see the end of The Great Debate. Jemilla: *scoffs* Molag: But here it is! Jemilla: Whoo! Molag: And it’s all thanks to you, Peacemaker. Jemilla: Awh. Molag: Here, I thought we were headed for a good old-fashioned war! Ha ha. God, I miss those. Jemilla: Here, let me help you down. Molag: Yeah, let me get my feet wet. Jemilla: Okay. Yeah, let’s get your feet wet. Molag: Don’t let me slip like you did last time. oh oh woah woah WOAH WOAH WOAH!
Jemilla: You slip on purpose. You’re doing this on purpose! Molag: I’m fine. Jemilla: It’s not funny when you do that. Molag: I think it’s funny. Jemilla: Okay. *sigh* You know, Molag, it wasn’t all me. Peace really is something that we make together. Molag: Oh, don’t be modest! Look at all we’ve accomplished since I handed rule onto you! I mean, we’ve seen the rise of free thought, empathy… Jemilla: Oh, but you were great too back in your day, Molag. *awkward laughing* Jemilla: Ooo! Molag: Great. And terrible. Molag- the War Master! That’s what they used to call me. Jemilla: Yeah. We still tell tales of your reign to the little ones, just to, scare the shit out of ’em. Molag: Good. Those privileged fucks. And so, the War Master will live on in legend, as the Peacemaker rules in her own right. Jemilla: What do you mean, Molag? Molag: Well, my time here is over, Jemilla. So I’m leaving. Jemilla: What?! Molag: Mhm. Jemilla: What will you do? Molag: Oh, I’m gonna set off with one last task: venture out into the great unknown, and find the end of the Earth. Jemilla: *gasping* Molag: Mhm. I figured if I start right now, and walk all day, I’ll probably find it. Jemilla: Wow! Do you really think that’ll take all day? Molag: Who knows? You know, it’s not yet been scientifically proven… how big the turtle we live on top of actually is. But… I can’t leave a good conscience before I clear up a few things. Here, go ahead and hold my stick. I know you like that. Jemilla: Yeah, I do. Molag: You see, Jemilla… when I came into power, it was a much more chaotic time. To keep order, I may have said a few things that, uh- weren’t entirely true. Jemilla: Like what? Molag: Oh- okay. Umm… Well, you know that duck we worship? Jemilla: How can I not? It created the heavens and the earth in 7 quacks. It made us all in forms that are perfect, and also inherently sinful and filthy. Molag: Right, right. And through its infinite love, it will… destroy us all if we don’t obey. What are you getting at, Molag? Molag: Ehh… that’s all bullshit. Jemilla: WHAT?! Molag: I made it up to scare people into doing what I wanted. Jemilla: *sounding like a deflating balloon* WHAAAA Molag: Okay, alright, alright, alright, come on. Think about it, Jemilla! Isn’t it a bit coincidental that the “All Powerful Creator of the Universe” just so happens to be living in a watering hole closest to our cave? Jemilla: Mmmmm, no! It picked our pond to honor our tribe above all others! I mean, it’s like you always said, Molag! We’re the best! Fuck, that’s our tribe motto. “WE’RE THE BEST!” Molag: Oh, that’s probably the biggest fib I told. Jemilla: WHAT?! Molag: Whoo! The world was not made with us in mind. Jemilla: *appalled* Molag: And we aren’t preferred by any duck. Jemilla: *still appalled* Molag: Honestly, if I think about it, the ducks probably hate us most of all. ‘Cause we keep capturing ’em. I mean, surely you notice that the Holy Duck changes color every week or two. Jemilla: *sighs with discontent* Molag: Oh, it’s not magic. Jemilla: *cries* Molag: It’s just the damn things keep dying or flyin’ off on me. And I gotta go wrangle up another one. It’s a whole thing. Jemilla: Oh, Molag, I feel like everything you have told me my entire life is a LIE! I mean, next, you’re going to tell me that Tiblyn isn’t really holding up the sky! Molag: Ooh-kay, well- she’s… Jemilla: SHE’S NOT?! Molag: umm… Tiblyn: I’m sorry, I’m not doing what? Molag: Oh! Oh! Um, nothing, dear! You keep up the good work! You’re the best. Jemilla: *slightly puking* Tiblyn: I’m the best. Jemilla: *robot seething noises* How can you keep lying to people when you know the truth? Molag: Because, it’s how I stayed in power. Jemilla: *Panicked noises* Molag: Okay, alright, I see you freaking out, I see you freaking out, okay… Jemilla: *continues freaking out* Molag: Don’t you see, you are better than I ever was. *piano music begins* Molag: Jemilla, I have loved you from the moment I clobbered your mother to death and took you as my own! Jemilla: *not freaking out* awh, yeah… Molag: I know that you’re ready for this, and I know that the people are ready for you. Jemilla: Awh, they’re going to be so pissed… when I tell them about the duck. And the sky-eeeeeeeee. Molag: Mhm. That’s another reason I’m getting the hell out of here. Jemilla: eeeee *cries* Molag: I don’t wanna be around when the shit hits the- I don’t even know what. Well, goodbye, Jemilla! Jemilla: Good journey, Molag. Molag: Good journey. Remember all the lessons you’ve learned! Jemilla: I will. Molag: And don’t feed Chorn after mid- Jemilla: after midnight I KNOW! Molag: Tell the truth! Believe in yourself! And remember, you’re the best! Jemilla: Oh. *sigh* Fuck a duck. What am I gonna do? Zazzalil: Hey, Jemilla! Keeri: Hey. Zazzalil: Just, uh, heard you ask yourself what you’re gonna do, and, well have I got an idea for you! Keeri: And I just heard you say something about fucking a duck? I’m not judging. We’ve all thought about it once or twice. Jemilla: Okay, what are you two supposed to be doing? Keeri: Uh, collecting nuts. Zazzalil: Which we do all day, every day, and we’re still starving! Jemilla: Oh, Zazzalil, please, none of your ideas- Not now… Zazzalil: Just hear me out, just hear me out. See, we spend our entire lives… scrounging around for nuts and berries, like a bunch of squirrels! But let’s face it: we cannot compete with squirrels! They are smarter, faster and better at collecting nuts than we’ll ever be. So, maybe, we could try eating something else! Jemilla: Okay, we are not going back to eating each others delicious babies. Mmmm, God, my mouth is watering *both going mmm and thinking about delicious babies* Zazzalil: No, no, no no no Not babies OR nuts See, we let those squirrel bastards get fat off nuts, while we hang back watching and waiting And then, Just when Mr. Squirrel thinks he’s safe, And he’s thinking to himself: *Draco voice* ‘I’ve had enough nuts for today, better take the rest home to family’ Keeri: Uhh, don’t give him a family. Zazzalil: Okay He’s saying uhm: ‘I just got done murdering my family’ Keeri: Ew, I hate him Zazzalil: ‘Yes! Time to celebrate their deaths with a nut!’ Then, before he knows what’s happening we jump out and eat him! Although I… I haven’t figured out yet how to make him dead so we can eat him, but still pretty good idea, right? I mean, all the successful animals do it think about Snarl. See, he’s got this thing- Jemilla: OH NO! We do not think about Snarl, we do not want to be like him… …Gross… Zazzalil, gathering nuts is the easiest job, right? All you have to do is look for the nuts, Ooooh , we use our eyeballs right? Zazzalil: yep
Jemilla:*oooh* Find a nut, pick it up… Oh, we use our fingers, Zazzalil: I’ve done it so many times.
Jemilla: Ok, with fingers Jemilla: We put them in the bag! *uuuuuh* Keeri: Umm… yeah, it’s a little bit harder than that… Jemilla: You put the bag in- the bag is full! Good job! Yum yum! Keeri: It’s- it’s harder… Jemilla: Okay. Coming up with these ideas takes time, and it takes nuts away from everyone, right? *inhale, exhale* Just do your job. *mwah* You’re the best. I mean- ehhhhhhhh… Nevermind! Zazzalil: What? *imitating Jemilla* “Just do your job!” *blows raspberry* Keeri: She doesn’t get it! Zazzalil: *singing* Every day is the same, nothing’s changed, nothing lost, nothing gained, is there more to life than this? Gosh, I hope so, I think that I know so, I wish that I could show them. What if there’s more that we could be doing? I don’t wanna miss any opportunities to grow! But Jemilla will tell me no! She says “play it safe” yet she talks about growth! In my own opinion, you can’t have ’em both! Yes, there are risks, but I’m willing to take ’em! Rules put in place but you bet that I’ll break ’em! What if Jemilla’s just holding us back? From all of the things our society lacks? We’re right on the edge and I’m ready to leap! And trust that I’ll fall before landing on my feet. What if I did something new? Something unexpected, unprotected! Something’s always within reach! Just ignore the shit Jemilla preaches- What if I did something more? Than what my people bargained for? I’ll reinvent the human race, and shove it in Jemilla’s face! What if? What if? What if? *quiet sigh* *talking* You know, Jemilla says she’s all about discovery, but, she won’t even try my ideas! Instead, she’s got us figuring out all this useless shit! It’s like, I don’t care where the sun goes at night! He’s an asshole! I have a dream, Keeri. Of a future where no one knows how anything works! And nobody wants to! Because, in this future, everything is abundant. Food, leisure time, you name it! And so, when someone says to you, “Ay, yo! Fuck you! You don’t know what you’re talkin’ about!” You can just say, “Haha, no. Fuck-a you! You don’t know what you’re talking about!” And the beauty will be, that neither of you know what you’re talking about! And until that happy day, when we can be *mwah* so lazy, I will work as I hard as I possibly can to get us there, because that, my friend, is the spirit of human ingenuity. I mean, progress doesn’t come from the *imitating Jemilla* “desire to understand” like Jemilla says. No. No, it comes from the need to be lazy. Yup. That’s my dream. Keeri: Wow, that’s some dream. Zazzalil: Yeah, and I know I am onto something with this eating animals thing, I just have to figure out a way to kill them. Keeri: Well, maybe a little snack’ll help you think! Here, come on over. Come on. Now you know, as a Senior Tribe Nut Collector, I’m not really supposed to do this, but, hey, I’ll hook you up! *both laughing* Zazzalil: Thanks! Oh, Keeri, these aren’t nuts. These are just clumps of dirt. Keeri: Bullshit. Zazzalil: Yeah, and- oop! This is a live, living beetle! Keeri: aohhhh I just thought this was a little nut trying to crawl away from me! *laughs* He is cute, though. *kisses* I’m your mommy now. Zazzalil: Keeri, have you ever even seen a nut? Keeri: Well, if this basket is any indication, then maybe not. Zazzalil: Oh, jeez, Keeri, What have you been feeding us? This is an enormous, jagged rock. This will kill you. Keeri: *gasps* Really? *ding* This will kill you! Keeri: Let’s just say, hypothetically, somebody were to eat a bunch of those. How many do you think it’d take to kill ’em? Probably more than ten, right? Zazzalil: Keeri, does this hurt? Ensemble: Mmm, ay Welcome to the Stone Age. Welcome to the Stone Age. We are in a new age Welcome to the Stone Age. Ah! Oo, oo, oo, oo… Bada bum bada bum bada *clapping* Chorn: Chorn! Smelly-Balls: Haha, yes! I agree! Ducker: It’s happening! It’s happening! Smelly-Balls: What, a lion has befriended a little baby piglet and now they’re hanging out and… Ducker: No, no, no! Schwoopsie! She’s telling… The Joke! Smelly-Balls: Bullshit! There’s only one joke! And Schwoopsie already told it! I call you a liar, and a coward, now be gone from this place! AAAAUUGGGHHHH!!!! Ducker: No! She’s telling it again! Smelly-Balls: Oh, Hell yes. Chorn: Chorn! Smelly-Balls: Chorn, you’re right, we better get going! We don’t wanna miss it! Schwoopsie: So, uh, *mosquito* has this ever happened to anybody else? Crowd: Woo! Schwoopsie: So I was building a little hut the other day, you know, just a small little hut, as we do… and I had these two logs, right? And a little stick to go between ’em. So, I take this first log, sittin’ right over here. *struggling* Lift it up like this, Okay! There we go! Make sure it’s nice and steady! Beautiful! And turn back over here, take this log lyin’ right here, Lift it up! *struggling* Ooh-okay, this one’s a little heavier, Okay, uh-huh and… Perfect! Then turn back over here, take th- Now wait a second. Where’d that log go? Ohhhh… It’s on the floor! *crowd chuckling* And I’m like… Schwoopsie! *badum-tss* *crowd laughing* Smelly-Balls: Ah, YES I LOVE THAT JOKE! Ducker: It’s so funny! Smelly-Balls: AH! TELL IT AGAIN! TELL THAT AGAIN! AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN! Schwoopsie: You wanna hear that joke again? *crowd agreeing* Smelly-Balls: YES WE DO! Schwoopsie: Alright, so, um- has this ever happened to anybody else? Crowd: WOO! YEAH! Smelly-Balls: Schwoopsie, YEAH! TIblyn: Oh hey, Chorn. Chorn: Chorn. Tiblyn: That joke’s pretty funny, huh? Chorn: Chorn. Tiblyn: Okay, well, it was nice talking to you! Chorn: CHORN! Emberly, I’m in love with Chorn, but, it acts like I don’t exist! Emberly: Tiblyn, I’m not even really sure that Chorn is into humans, ya know? Chorn is sort of like ummmm sort of like a monster! *peh! eughk!* *spits*
Tiblyn: oh my Gosh how does it taste? Emberly: Ugh- so gross! …we could eat that.
Tiblyn: mkay! Tiblyn: And then there’s Smelly-Balls and he’s just such a great guy Emberly: Ugh, Tiblyn… Look, I know that you hold up the sky, -and I really appreciate that about you- But, sometimes you’ve just gotta get your head out of the clouds and, stop thinking so much about romance… *piano* Excuse me… Tiblyn: *gasping* Oh he’s an outsider! He’s not from our tribe! *freaking out* Oh, oh, I’m gonna go get help! *smugly* I’m gonna go get Chorn. Grunt: Are you gonna eat that? Emberly: I was thinkin’ about it! Grunt: Well, I’m starving! I’ll- KILL you for it! Emberly: *taken aback* NO! I’LL KILL YOU! Grunt: *grunting* Emberly: Come here! Grunt: ah, oh, wait! Emberly: UGH! Grunt: *painful grunts* Grunt: Ow Emberly: Oh, oh I-I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Grunt: Oh, you smacked my butt Hard Grunt: *still in pain*
Emberly: I-I was trying to kill you! Grunt: Yeah, but my butt, it’s stinging so bad right now It’s only like a few leaves covering it lady that’s like nothing. Ow… Emberly: ah, ohh.. M-maybe we shouldn’t try to kill each other, you know? This is a pretty big thing… …let’s just share it! Grunt: okay *dadum* *dadum* *DAdum* Emberly: Oh! *spits* Yuck! Spit that out it’s poison! Grunt *almost incoherent*: wha? oh no Emberly: That’s poison it’ll kill you spit it out! Grunt: ?? Emberly: Oh just-just uh, aaah open your mouth and let it fall out! Grunt: bleghh Emberly: *sighs* Grunt: huh hweh How’d you know how to spit that out? That was pretty smart I mean, I probably would’ve just kept eating it until I died You- You saved my life! Emberly: Don’t worry about it, it’s sort of my job See, I-I eat things and I tell if they’re good, or if they’re poison. I’m Emberly Grunt: Emb -emb, wha-what was it again? Emberly: Emberly! Grunt: Embly! Emberly: …that’s fine Uh, wh-what was your name? Grunt: Grunt. Emerly: Grant? Grunt: That’s fine Emberly: Well, um I’m sorry I reacted the way I did, uh we’re not supposed to be with people from other tribes Grunt: Oh, well I don’t have another tribe, it’s just me. Emberly: Just you? Just you, how could that be? Grunt: Well, I- I had a tribe but, they kicked me out Emberly: Why? Grunt: Ah, well you know how sometimes there’ll be a pack of coyotes that are feasting on a rabbit, and there’s always one, small, runt of a coyote that’s being kept from the meal? Emberly: yes Grunt: I’m like the rabbit Emberly: oh. Grunt: S-so in your tribe do you just walk around and, eat everything? Emberly: Oh, well that’s what I do, it’s- sort of my specialty Uh, see Here’s where I gather all of the foods that we like, and, um you know, actually check this out see, I started combining different foods, to try and create new tastes Laa-like this! I-it looks like two big leaves, stacked up on top of each other but, inside… Grunt: ooh Emberly: …it’s a bunch of squished up berries! And a light sprinkling of salt Go ahead, try it! *music starts* Grunt: Mmm! Mmm that’s pretty good! Emberly: Yeah! Ah, see I-I I can tell if things are good or not, even from just, one little taste! Emberly: *singing* Ain’t it crazy? how something that looks so weird to me could be so sweet? Grunt: *singing* Ain’t it crazy, how something that looks so savoury is bad for me? Emberly: Ain’t it crazy how something that once was scaring me, could put me at ease and help me see, it’s not the outside of things that make them good, that make them bad, that make them anything. Grunt: All you need is just, Both: Just a taste to start something good Just a taste to know if I should Just a taste is all I need All that’s good starts with just, one taste! Grunt: Ain’t it crazy, to finally feel I’m where I am supposed to be Emberly: Is it crazy, how something I thought I’d never find just came to me Both: Are we crazy, or did we just taste something sweet, not sure what to think but you help me see it’s not the outside of things that make them good, that make them bad, that make them anything. Both: All you need is just, Just a taste to start something good Just a taste to know if I should just a taste is all I need, All that’s good starts with just, one taste! A taste, Grunt: for me
Emberly: Is all Both: Is all I need Emberly: Just-
Both -a taste Grunt: for me
Emberly: to help Both: to help me see Emberly: Just aaaaaaa
Grunt: a taste for you, Emberly: aaaaaaaa
Grunt: a taste for me, Emberly: oooooOOOOOOoooOO Emberly: just, A Both: Just a taste to start something good all that’s good starts with, just, one taste! Jemilla: *gasp* Emberly! Don’t worry, we’ll get that outsider away from you Emberly: Grant! Run! *Yelling and growling* Jemilla: And never come back! Emberly: Oh, Jemilla! Jemilla! How could you? Grant is all alone in the world; he could die out there. Jemilla: Oo! I hope so too, Emberly. One less outsider means more food for us! *sounds of agreement* Jemilla: Alright everyone! Gather ’round. Sooo, Earlier today, some um… very important truths were revealed to me *nervous laugh* *sigh* So, turns out our tribe has been living under some false pretences which have caused some of its members to uh… *nervous laugh* Oo… how do I put this lightly? Um…waste their ENTIRE lives. Tiblyn: Wow. HUGE slam on Emberly outta nowhere, holy shit. Jemilla: Um, actually, Emberly does a job that is actually very, very important to our tribe. *nervous laugh* But once we clear a few things up we can all stop performing meaningless tasks, and focus on real, human progress. Ducker: Progress pleases the duck. Jemilla: Yes. Thank you, Ducker. Ducker: *mumbling yes* Jemilla: I’m glad you brought up the duck. Ducker: Aha! Yeees. Jemilla: Soo, you know how it… created the universe- Ducker *mumbling*: IT created the univerrrrrse Jemilla: And how it watches over all of our immortal souls- Ducker *still mumbling*: EEEACH and every one of our immortal *song-like* soooooul *singing* He is looord
Jemilla: Oh, uh, Ducker… Duck is looord He is lord, lord, lord Ducker: The duck is looord
Jemilla: THANK YOU, Ducker- Everyone *singing*: He is looord Duck is looord He is lord, lord, lord The duck is looord
Jemilla: Okay! Everyone: He is looor-
Jemilla: All of that is a lie! Molag made it up! Ducker: What the fuck. Schwoopsie: wai’ wai’ wai’ wai’ wai’ wai’ wai’ wait. The duck… isn’t…a god? Jemilla: *sigh* No, he’s not. Schwoopsie: But eh… if the… if the duck…isn’t… a god then wh…wha… why does…Ducker get to sleep in the one dry spot in the cave?! Everyone: Yeah! Jemilla: Well, uh, now that we don’t have to believe in an all powerful duck, and we don’t need a Supreme Egghead Wizard to interpret its quacks, we can all take turns sleeping in the dry spot in the cave! Ducker, you can sleep in a puddle like the rest of us. Ducker: WAIT! No! wai- waaait… Now…now, now, now… It…has…not yet been proven that the duck is not a god. In fact, all of this sounds like BLASphemy to me, AND the duck. In fact, the duck is saying right now- *gasp* “Damn you, Jemilla, to hell”? Ohh no, Jemillaaa…nooo… no. Jemilla: *sigh* Molag also lied, about Tiblyn holding up the sky. *Gasps* Tiblyn: What are you talking about? I’ve been holding up the sky for 27 years! I never get any sleep, and I’m always stressed out all the time, and I never hear a word’s thanks from anyone! Jemilla: Well first of all, thank you, Tiblyn! Everyone: *thanking Tiblyn* Tiblyn: My arms really hurt. Jemilla: We really appreciate it. It’s time to put your arms down now. Tiblyn: No. I’m not gonna do that. Because then the sky will fall and crush all of our friends, and I’m not gonna have that on my conscience. Jemilla: Okay. If I put Tiblyn’s arms down and nothing happens that’ll prove that I’m right. Right? Ducker: Jemilla! If you put Tiblyn’s arms down and the sky doesn’t fall, I’ll be the FIRST to renounce my faith in the duck. But, Jemilla, you don’t have the guts. Jemilla: Okay. C’mere!
Tiblyn: No! *Everyone muttering* Tiblyn: Alright, fine! If I can’t have Chorn, then no one will. AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! *Realisation sounds* Schwoopsie: Well…we’re alive. Tiblyn: So… I’m not special? Jemilla: Oh…Tiblyn… No. BUT nobody is! *laughs* Ducker! You can take off that Supreme Egghead Wizard hat now. Ducker: Jemillaaaa, this is a symbol of my privilege. Jemilla: Yeah. Ducker: N-yeah. Jemilla: But that’s gone now. Take it off. *Soft hesitant sounds* Jemilla: Good. Good. Now take the duck out of it.
Ducker: *sound of protest* Ducker: Awh! hawh! Aww… *sigh* Jemilla, we should at least let the duck choose if it stays or- oh there it goes. Oh.
Everyone: *Sighing and gasping* Jemilla: Yup. That is one happy duck. Jemilla: *sigh* Well now that we have all that cleared up we can get back to work! Right gang?! Schwoopsie: I-I don’t know, Jemilla. I mean, wh-what’s the point of hard work if we’re not doing it to please a duck? Jemilla: Ohh, come on! Hard work is its own reward, right guys? Zazzalil: Hey, Jemilla. Jemilla: Yes? *Loud thud*
Jemilla: Ooh! Fuck my fuckin’ leg! Ohhh fuck! Zazzalil: *sigh* Behold! I have inflicted great pain upon Jemilla. Greater than any I could cause with my bare hands. My secret? The Spear. *Everyone Ooo-ing* Zazzalil: It’s going to change life as we know it. May I draw your attention to the end of the stick where I have attached a sharp stone. It is my “hypothesis” that if I thrust the pointed end of this stick into a creature it will pierce their flesh, guts, eyeballs, brains… anything, really. Observe! A demonstration. Keeri? Keeri: I’m ready. Jemilla: Wait. What?- No no no! *Loud exasperation* Crowd: Heeey! Zazzalil: Um, I was just about to show how it worked. Crowd: Yeah! Jemilla: Keeri. Keeri: Whaaat? Jemilla: What? Are you fucking nuts? Keeri: Noo. Jemilla: Do you have any idea what this would do to you? Keeri: *sighs heavily* Nooo! That’s what we were going to find out before we were so rudely interrupted. Zazzalil, shall we continue?
Zazzalil: Yes. Jemilla: Wait? What?! Would you give me that?! *Very loud exasperation* Keeri, this will hurt you REALLY bad. IT. IS. DANGEROUS. *Zazzalil and Keeri laughing* Zazzalil:*laughing* It is not dangerous. *Serious tone* It’s a weapon, for hunting! My new and improved method of food collection *Applauding* Jemilla: Oh no, not this again. Zazzalil: No no no! It’ll work this time. I’ll prove it to you. You see that big dumb mammoth over there? Jemilla: You mean Trunkell? Ducker: She is the spirit of the river! I know this because I saw her standing by a river once. *Oh’s and no’s coming from crowd* Zazzalil: That’s no spirit. That’s the mammoth that killed my father. Keeri: Ew, I hate him. Zazzalil: We always knew this day would come didn’t we, Trunkell? The day that I threw my spear directly through your heart. Jemilla: Zazzalil, you are making a big mistake. Zazzalil: Oh yeah? Does this look like a mistake? Damn it. Keeri: Um, why didn’t your spear work? Jemilla: Because she missed, Keeri. Schwoopsie: Ehhh I knew that spear was too good to be true. Booo~ *Crowd booing* Zazzalil: I’m sure if I practised a little- Jemilla: Uh…you’re not gonna be practising anything if you’re dead! *Loud elephant trumpet*
Jemilla: RUN! RUN! *Everyone screaming*
Jemilla: Quick! Up the tree! Up the tree! Trunkell: I can’t believe this shit! Throwin’ things at ME! *Jemilla sighs*
Trunkell: Ah-ah. Jemilla: Okay. If we’re real quiet, and we wait long enough, she’ll get bored, and then she’ll go away. *Sighs* Emberly: Is she gone yet? Jemilla: Looks like it. Trunkell: AH-AH-AHHH!
*Yelling* Trunkell: AH-AH-ahhh! Ah-ahh. An elephant NEVER forgets. Jemilla: Hoo, that is one smart elephant. Emberly: And sassy. Keeri: She’s a great elephant. Jemilla: Okay. Everyone, quick! Back to the cave. Come on, come on, come on. Emberly: W-what if the mammoth is still there? Jemilla: She’s not. Trunkell’s not stupid. She knows what comes out at night. Deeegh! But not you, apparently. Apparently, you ARE stupid. THIS little thing almost got us killed! Ouchiiie Zazzalil: Why did you touch it? Jemilla: I was curious. And you did a really good job. Zazzalil: Thanks! Jemilla: But guess what? It’s banned. Zazzalil: What? Jemilla: That’s right. I forbid the spear FOREVER. AND I forbid any more of your bad ideas. They’re banned too! Ouuuuch Zazzalil: Why did you touch it again? Jemilla: I FORGOT! Zazzalil: I’m…I’m sorry. I just wanted to make life better. *Crowd Ooo-ing*
Zazzalil: Okay, shut up. Molag: Oooooooooo Hey everybody. Remember me? Now I know what you’re thinkin’. You’re thinkin’: “Daaaayum, J-Mils, that was cold! Don’t be mean to Lauren!” But before you go judgin’ you gotta understand how dangerous the night is for us. I mean, first off it is fuckin’ dark. You could trip, AND hurt yourself. And it gets even worse than that if you can believe it. When the sun sets, and the moon rises, HE comes out to hunt. “Snarl. The Great Devourer.” He’s a big, fuckin’, dinosaur! AAAHHH! Rooooaaaaaaar! Nah, I’m bullshittin’ you! He’s not a dinosaur. All the dinosaurs are dead! Except one. And he’s my friend! No, I’m bullshittin’ you again, guys. I’m sorry. You can’t trust me today. I’m feelin’ way too silly! But anyways, Snarl is fuckin’ scary. He’s so fuckin’ scary, we wrote a whole fuckin’ song all a-fuckin’-bout it. Smelly-Balls *singing*: When darkness comes and steals the light, we’re left with no other choice but to take cover in our cave, for the night belongs to him. Schwoopsie: To go out at night would be a mistake. You’d surely meet your demise. We are safe, for now. But the night belongs to him Ducker: At night! Ensemble: He comes! Ducker: He sees! Ensemble: He knows! Ducker: What the rest of us don’t! Ensemble: Look out! Ducker: Oh no! Ensemble: Oh no! Ducker: What’s that?
Ensemble: He’s here! Ducker: I don’t think we’re alone! Tiblyn: We face each day but we run from the night. Every sound that we hear leaves us startled Because we know the night belongs *whispers* to Snarl Ducker and Smelly-Balls: The terrible beast with enormous claws whose only need is to feed. Don’t get in his way; he’ll be the last thing that you’ll see Tiblyn and Schwoopsie: Certain death awaits in the dark. Beware. Take care. Retreat. Stay in the cave and pray away from your sleep. Ensemble: At night! Keeri: He comes! Ensemble: He sees! Keeri: He knows! Ensemble: What the rest of us don’t! Keeri: Look out! Ensemble: Oh no! Keeri: Oh no! Ensemble: What’s that? Keeri: He’s here! Ensemble: I don’t think we’re alone! We face each day but we run from the night. Every sound that we hear leaves us startled. Tiblyn: Because we know the night belongs to Snarl. Smelly-Balls: Back into our cold, wet cave, dark and grim. Suffer through ’cause the night belongs to him. Tiblyn *speaking*: And that was Smelly-Balls performing “The Night Belongs to Snarl” A song that he wrote about that which we fear above all things. Thank you, Smelly-Balls. Smelly-Balls: Thank YOU. I was inspired by our many- Tiblyn: Thank you, Smelly-Balls. Smelly-Balls: Mm. Yep. Tiblyn: And next up, on the cave floor performing “The. Joke.” Please welcome, the inventor of comedy, Schwoopsie! *Crowd cheering*
Jemilla: Wooooh!
Emberly: Yeah, Schwoops! Schwoopsie: Yeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeah. How’s everybody doin’ tonight? *Crowd mumbles* You cold? Smelly-Balls: Yeah. Schwoopsie: Yeah. Yeah yeah. I-I-It’s cold in the cave, huh? Yeah. YYYYY-YOU feelin’ shitty? Emberly: Yeah. Schwoopsie: Yeah, you’re feelin’ shitty. Oh yeahyeahyeah me too, me too YYYYY-yyyy-you know yyyyyyy-ya found out your duck god was a lie, and yyy-you almost got run over by a mammoth. *Crowd agreeing* Schwoopsie: So uh…has this ever happened to anybody else?! *Crowd cheering* Keeri: Hey. Hey, Zazzalil. You doin’ okay? *Long sigh* I was worried you might feel pretty stupid because you know you looked pretty stupid. To put yourself out there like that in front of everybody with your brand new invention and be like “look!” And then to have it FAIL soooo miserably and be like “noooo!” Keeri: *sighs*
Zazzalil: *sounds of sobbing* Keeri: Heyyy. Hey it’s okay! You know I was just thinking that we should just, like, quit inventing stuff altogether, ya know? It’s not so bad letting other people think for you. I’ve been doing it my whole life. It’s awesome. Hey, I got an idea. We could find someone to blindly follow together. It would be SO fun! Oo! I know! We could follow Jemilla! She’s smarter than us and- Zazzalil: Jemilla is not smarter than me. And I’m not gonna let her run my life for one more second. Keeri: Um, Zazz? Uhhhh Jemilla banned that thing forever. Zazzalil: Keeri, I can’t go on knowing that I missed out on something this big. I can’t do that to future generations! *Laughing* No, sorry, no. FUCK future generations. “I” can’t spend one more night in a wet cave, in a stank. Ass. Pile. Of stinky. Ass. People. *Kiss* That mammoth’s out there, Keeri. And I’m gonna kill it. Keeri: Wait! *THUNDER*
Keeri: Ohhh no no noo! Schwoopsie: …I’m not gonna lie. I was seriously, like, a-schwoopsie! *Badum-tss* *Awkward mumbles* Schwoopsie: Alright. *Clears throat* That was the funny part of the joke, in case you wanted to laugh. ahh-schwoooopsie! Jemilla: *sympathy laugh and applause* Smelly-Balls: Uhh, I don’t mean to be rude ’cause I know you’re putting yourself out there, but, that was… not… funny. Ducker: Humor was a gift from the Duck. Everything that he said was funny. His voice sounded like faaaarts. *Sobbing* Tiblyn: You know, maybe, maybe the joke was never funny. I mean, maybe we were just told it was funny. And maybe Schwoopsie’s just been holding this joke up over her head for like, 27 years because no one thought to tell her the truth. Smelly-Balls: Yeah, I mean it’s like, DO MY BALLS EVEN SMELL? Everyone: Yes. Yes. Jemilla: Okay. Okay! Come on guys! Come ooon! Heyyy. The joke is still kinda funny. Schwoopsie? Babe? Listen I know a lot has changed. But we don’t have to question “everything”. Keeri: Jemilla, I have a question. Jemilla: What? Keeri: Um, earlier today, you banned a couple of things forever. And I was just wondering, how long is forever? Jemilla: It’s…unending. Keeri: Okay. Jemilla: Always has been and always will be. Keeri: Uuuum, so forever’s still going on now then? Are you sure that forever didn’t end, like, a couple minutes ago? Jemilla: Yeah, I’m pretty…
Keeri: Okay! Jemilla: …damn…sure, Keeri. Keeri: *under her breath* Cool. Okay. Forever. Jemilla: Is this about Zazzalil? Keeri: Uhhhhh… Jemilla: WHAT did she do THIS time? Keeri: Well…Jemilla, it’s not- Jemilla: Keeri?! Where is Zazzalil?! *THUNDER* *Everyone yelling in fear* Jemilla: WHAT?! She went out?! At night?! During a storm?! Keeri: Maybe-
*THUNDER and yelling* Emberly: But if Zazzalil’s out there, the storm could kill her! Ducker: Forget about the storm! Snarl’s out there! It’s too late for Zazzalil- fuck her. *More THUNDER and yelling* Jemilla: Okay, okay. Everyone! Calm down. Alright. All creatures fear the storm. Maybe that includes Snarl. *Nervous giggle* GOD DAMN IT, ZAZZALIL! Okay. I have to go get her. *Exhales harshly* I can’t promise that you’ll make it back alive, but will somebody please help me? *Desperate sobs* Keeri: Jemilla, I’m just a crony. And in Zazalil’s absence, I’m your crony. So I’ll follow you wherever. Emberly: I will too! Schwoopsie: Yeah I’ll go. I’ve got nothin’ else to live for so might as well. Jemilla: Okay! Thank you so much! Anybody else coming? Smelly-Balls: I will. Jemilla: Yeah! Smelly-Balls! Thank you. That is so brave of you. Smelly-Balls: Hell yeah! Jemilla: Alright, who will watch over the rest of the tribe while we’re gone? Smelly-Balls: I will. Jemilla: Smelly-Balls. You can’t do both. Smelly-Balls: Haha! It would be an honor! To do both. Jemilla: Okay. This isn’t about your honor- Smelly-Balls: Jemillaaa! We’re a FAMily! Jemilla: Alright, you know what? Fuck it. We’re all going! Come on guys! Smelly-Balls: LET’S GO. *Instrumentals* Zazzalil *Singing*: Into the black Into the unknown No turning back Onward, now all alone Into the night Nothing is out here Not even light Nothing to fear I am not afraid I’m not afraid of this I’m not afraid of anything anymore Not even you, you stupid fucking storm! No one else has left the cave before no one’s ever been so fucking brave before there is nothing unknown that I will not explore! Come on, storm Give me more I’m not afraid of you I’m into the black Into the night and there’s no turning back What if? What if? What if tonight is the night that I prove that I’m right? Backing 1: Into the night. Into the unknown. Into the night. Into the unknown. 1: Into the night.
Backing 2: We got work. To do. 1: Into the unknown.
2: Work to do. 1: Into the night. Into the unknown.
2: We got work to do. Work to do. 1:Into the night. Into the unknown.
2: We got work to do. Work to do.
Backing 3: Welcome to the Stone Age. 1: Into the night. Into the unknown.
2: We got work to do. Work to do.
3. Welcome to the Stone Age. 1: Into the night. Into the unknown.
2: We got work to do. Work to do.
3. Welcome to the Stone Age. 1: Into the night. Into the unknown.
2: We got work to do. Work to do.
3. Welcome to the Stone Age. 1: Into the night. Into the unknown.
2: We got work to do. Work to do.
3. Welcome to the Stone Age. *Loud THUNDER* 1: Into the night. Into the unknown.
2: We got work to do. Work to do.
3. Welcome to the Stone Age. *Instrumentals* Molag *speaking*: Zazzalil trudged deeper and deeper into the storm in search of a mammoth’s den. Then there! A cave opening. Inside, a huge, snoring somethin’. Is it a mammoth? Alright, Zazzy. Get your spear up! Zazzalil: Oh Great Duck! Bless this spear! Let it fly as true as you! Molag: See, Zazz wasn’t there when they found out that the duck stuff wasn’t true. So that’s what’s about to make what happens next to Zazz seem crazy as fuck. Just as Zazzalil raised her spear… thunder crashed! *THUNDER* Lightning flashed! *Grumbling thunder* And touched the ends of Zazzalil’s spear. Ensemble: Light that flame Light that flame Light that flame Light that flame Light that flame Light that flame Light that flame Light that flame. Get that power! Zazzalil: SHIT! Molag: Now that was real abstract. But I think you get the idea. And if you’re thinkin’ to yourselves, “Molag, you don’t know what you’re talkin’ about. Lightning doesn’t work like that!” Then fuck you. You don’t know what you’re talking about. We were there are we saw the WHOLE thing. Zazzalil: Ow. Molag: Don’t touch it, dumbass. It burns. Just start at it in wonder. Zazzalil: Ow. Molag: Didn’t I just say “don’t touch it”? I’m sorry. You have to excuse us. We humans were slow learners. Wha-the fuck you tr-ah! Don’t try ta eat it! It’s not an ice-cream cone! It’s the opposite. Think. Ice-cream cones are cold, and delicious. This is hot, and will kill you. Zazzalil: This will kill you… Jemilla: *GASP* Zazzalil! There you are! Oh I cannot believe you would do something this reckless! YOU come back to the cave right- *All gasp* Together: What. Is. That. Shit? *Growling* Molag: Oh, see, what the tribe didn’t know was that Zazzalil had fucked up. She didn’t track down the mammoth’s den. Turns out that mammoth moved out a week ago, and somethin’ else moved in. *Snarl growling and tribe yelling* Everyone: It’s Snarl! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Ducker: Everybody scatter! He can’t catch all of us! Jemilla: Wait no! Stick together! He can’t eat all of us! *Snarl growls* *Tribe screams*- *Offstage voice singing*: Time is frozen now Zazzalil *speaking*: Oh, okay! Alright! Okay I gotta do something quick or they’re all gonna blame me when they’re dead. Molag: Yeah, come on, girl! You got a hot glowy thing there. What are you gonna do with it? Zazzalil: Ow. Molag: Don’t touch it. Come on. You were the girl who came up with the idea to use a tool to hurt a big animal. Zazzalil: Got it! Molag: Wait. No, wa-where are you goin’? Zazzalil: To make another spear! Molag: No! No. Forget the spear! Okay? You’re gettin’ colder. Come on. Alright warmer. Warmer. Alright? Hot! Zazzalil: Hot… Hot! HOT! GET BAAACK! RAAAHHH! Tiblyn: Look! Emberly: Snarl’s afraid of the bright, orange stuff! Zazzalil: THAT’S RIGHT! I SAID GET BACK! HAAA! HAAAA! RAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! Keeri: She did it! Schwoopsie: Wow, Zazzalil defeated Snarl with her- I don’t even know what. Zazzalil: Yeah. I did defeat Snarl, didn’t I? BEHOLD! My latest invention, uh…*muttering* Bright Orange Stuff! *Sounds of awe* Jemilla: Oh, come on! Ugh. Like you expect us to believe YOU invented that? This is the person who can’t even gather nuts and berries. This is the person who almost got us killed multiple times in one day! She…is dangerous. And so is that! So put it dowwwn. Zazzalil: No. Jemilla: What. Zazzalil: I said no! *Huffs* You know, Jemilla, I used to look up to you. Yeah, I thought, “oh man, she’s got great clothes, she’s got great hair, man, she’s got it together! She’s the leader of the tribe! I wanted everything you had, and for you to have nothing. Jemilla: So you didn’t look up to me, you envied me? Zazzalil: Yeah, that’s right. But not anymore. But because now I see what you’re really like! You ban everything you can’t control, and do you know why? Um, It’s because you’re a- a scared, little, BABY. *Crowd gasps* And do you know what we do to babies in this tribe? Uh oh. We eat them. Schwoopsie: Let’s… eat… Jemilla. Jemilla: What the fuck, Schwoopsie? Crowd: Let’s. Eat. Jemilla! Zazzalil: Woah woah woah. Guys.
Crowd: Let’s! Eat! Jemillaaa! Zazzalil: Thank you so much! Thank you for your support
Jemilla: Hey hey hey! Zazzalil: I meant that figuratively. Schwoopsie: Oh ya, I know. Uh of course! *Incoherent mumbling* Schwoopsie! *Badum-tss* Zazzalil: You know what I think? I think this bright orange stuff is awesome. And I invented it. And WHY shouldn’t we have it? We’re the best! Crowd: Yeah! Zazzalil: Oh, but Jemilla, *tsss, oooo*, Jemilla “doesn’t” think we’re the best. No no… Jemilla wants us to be cold, and wet, and starving forever. Is that what you want? Crowd: No way! Fuck her! Keeri: Hey, I got an idea. Maybe Zazzalil could be our new leader. Tiblyn: Oh yes! She did defeat Snarl! *Crowd agreeing enthusiastically*
Jemilla: New leader?! Jemilla: Hold on…
Zazzalil: That’s a great idea. Zazzalil: See, Jemilla, how I’m encouraging other people’s ideas? Keeri: That’s great. Jemilla: Fine! Fine. You know what? I have an awesome idea of my own. If you guys want Zazzalil as your new leader, *Sarcastic laugh* then fine. I’M OUTTA HERE. Crowd: Okay. Jemilla: AND you can keep that “stuff”. In my opinion, it’s tooo hot! Crowd: Okay. AND there is a reason that Snarl is afraid of it, and I’ll bet it’s a reeeally good reason. That “stuff” is going to be the end of youuu. You are all going to BURRRRRRRRRN. Crowd: O-KAAAAY. Jemilla: *sobbing* Emberly: So, Zazzalil! What is this stuff?! Ducker: It is a spirit. Schwoopsie: Uh-It’s like a tiny sun. Smelly-Balls: I’m here to help! What is that? A man? Zazzalil: No. No, it’s something different. It’s um…it… Chorn: Fire. Tiblyn: Chorn said something other than chorn. Chorn: Fire. Fire! FIRE! Zazzalil: Yes! Yes! And so it shall be, FIRE! Crowd: FIRE! FIRE! Ducker: All hail Zazzalil, the Firebringer! Let us offer her a clean and pleasing worship. Crowd: Fire! Fire! Fire! Ducker: What’s that? I think I hear the fire speaking to me! It’s saying…it’s saying I should get the dry spot in the cave again! Ducker: It’s a miracle!
Zazzalil: Oh-no. Noo. It’s not saying that. No. Zazzalil: You know what? We’re not going back to the cave. No. No. For too long we have slept in that cold, wet, stinky cave. And why? ‘Cause we were afraid of Snarl! But not anymore. Let HIM hide in the cave, huh? Crowd: Yeah! Zazzalil: Let HIM fear the night for once! Crowd: YEAH! Zazzalil: Before, we were at the bottom of the food chain, but tonight tonight belongs to US! Zazzalil *Singing*: No more cold No more cave No more fear It’s our turn now He is gone Our time is here Chorn, Emberly and Keeri: No more work No more pain No more fuss Our suffering’s done because the night belongs to us! Everyone: No more cold No more cave No more fear It’s our turn now He is gone Our time is here No more work No more pain No more fuss Our suffering’s done because the night belongs to us! Jemilla: Though I helped them survive They’re not grateful for their lives So I’m done with this fight I’ll find a new life The night belongs to me! Ensemble: This is the dawn The dawn of our time We are on the rise We won’t be left behind Jemilla: And we’ll help me tonight!
Ensemble: This is the dawn. We’ll take on whatever’s next. Jemilla: We will destroy their lives!
Enxemble: We are, for sure, the best! There’s no way this’ll end in a mess. Everyone: I know we’re right, this is our night to start a brand new life On our own Where we’ll build our home Ensemble: Can’t bring us down
Jemilla: Can’t bring me down Everyone: We’re not quite sure how But the night belongs to us Jemilla: me Everyone: nowwwwwwww. Ensemble *harmonizing*: Ooooooooo Ooooooooooo Ooooooooooo Zazzalil *singing*” I can feel the air now getting warmer Flames are everywhere now, they’re transforming me Everything has changed and our path is being paved We’ve left behind the cave, no more being Jemilla’s slaves Ensemble: …oooooo Ooooooooooo *Upbeat drum beat* Everyone: Woo! Mmmm. Ow! *Distinct laughs* Ensemble: Now we all know that Jemilla was crazy we got Zazzy now, she’s lettin’ us be lazy layin’ around and doin’ shit for nobody barely gettin’ up to go potty Jemilla’s leadership was shoddy at best. Zazzalil: It’s a new way of livin’ it’s the gift that keeps on givin’ to all Ensemble: Got all the food we desire just light some mammoths on fire and watch ’em burn Tiblyn and Smelly-Balls: Good thing we learned how good it tastes. We don’t got work to do if we don’t want to that’s a rule that Zazzy made up. Zazzalil *speaking*: Ha! That’s right. Just do whatever you want. *Singing* There’s been a change in the climate something’s in the air we feel the heat. No need to define it Zazzalil: We don’t really care
Ensemble: Aaaahhh… Zazzalil: Come on, let’s eat now Ensemble: There’s more food than we can eat in a lifetime No need to share Zazzalil: No baby, it’s all mine Ensemble: Ooo bap. Badoom ahh oooo bap badoom ahh oooo bap badoom ahh oooo bap badoom ahh Zazzalil: I know what my people needed now I’m a better leader; look at how we’re free. Ensemble: Thanks to you, Zazz, our harmonies are tight, we sing it all night Zazzalil *speaking*: And sometimes we don’t feel like doing that either Ensemble *out of harmony*: Mm-mm-mmmm. Zazzalil *singing*: Thanks to all this change
Ensemble: Ooo… now our path is being paved Ensemble: …oo-aah… Zazzalil: My people have been saved and we do nothing all day There’s been a change in the climate something’s in the air we feel the heat. No need to define it we don’t really care Let’s taste defeat now Everyone: Change in the climate Oh-ohhh wo-oh… Oh change in the climate Oh-ohhh wo-oh… Oh change in the climate Oh-ohhh wo-oh… I don’t really wanna do the work today I don’t really wanna do the work today I don’t really wanna do the work today I don’t wanna work today I don’t really wanna do the work today I don’t really wanna do the work today I don’t really wanna do the work today I don’t wanna do the work Zazzalil: *sigh* Yes. *Speaking* Look at it, Chorn. The world I’ve created. You know, we left behind that stinky cave and taught ourselves how to build those two stinky huts. Yes. The climate has changed indeed. And, Chorn, I believe that if we burn enough things we can change the climate permanently. Yes. *Sigh* We can do it. That is something to strive for- Chorn, are you even listening to me? Chorn: Chorn. Zazzalil: Aha, no you’re not. You’re just staring at that tiny fire. That’s rude to do when I’m talking to you. Chorn: Chorn chorn you fucking asshole! Zazzalil: Nooo. Nooo! Beat it! Go engage with the world! Play outside or something! Geez, what ever happened to simple human connection? Woah, look at that. Keeri: Hey Zazz. Zazzalil: Ahuh. Keeri: Zazz? Zazzalil: Hm? Oh hey, Keeri, what’s up? Keeri: Well, I just saw you singing and dancing with everybody just now and I thought that, you know, the rib isolation could be sharper and could really lock that movement but it’s just a note I had. Zazzalil: Mhm. Keeri: Um… Anyway…um… It just reminded me of when me and you used to sing and dance, you know? We’d be out collecting things and I’d pick something up and you’d tell me if it was a nut or not. *Laughs fondly* That was really fun. Zazzalil: Yeah well, Keeri, you’ll never have to collect nuts ever again. Thank god. You have a new job, remember? Anytime someone is hungry, you just go on up to a mammoth, and light it on fire. You’re the official “Mammoth Killer”. Keeri: Uh, yeah. Um, about that… I don’t think I can do my job anymore. First of all, I hate killing ’em because I really like mammoths. Zazzalil: Aw. I like them too! They’re delicious. Keeri: Ye… But besides that, I can’t find any. Zazzalil: Wh- *laugh* What do you mean you “can’t find any”? Mammoths are the hugest things in existence. I mean, their name is synonymous with big for fuck’s sake. Keeri: Yeah I know. I mean they’re pretty easy to spot and I know where they live but it’s just that when I go there, they’re not there anymore. Because… I think we might’ve killed ’em all. Zazzalil: Oh *laughs* Killed them ALL? No way. Keeri: I don’t know. We sure killed a lot. And we didn’t even eat all the meat. Most of it went bad so we threw it into the watering hole. And then all that rancid meat made the water poison. Lots of people are drinking that poison water and they’re puking it back up again so now the water is poison AND pukey also the insane amount of fires we’re burning are killing all the bees- Zazzalil: Okay, alright, alright! Stop. Okay. First of all, No one is forcing anyone to drink water, okay? And, um, I mean, second of all, FUCK bees. I mean, they can all die, am I right? *laughs* And um, and as for wiping out an entire species, that’s just a mammoth problem. I’m sure there are plenty of other animals to burn through, literally. How about giant sloths? Keeri: They have friendly, human faces! And if you get really close to one it’ll give you a hug! No shit! I don’t think I could bring myself to light a sloth on fire. Zazzalil: Okay, alright! Then, stop eating! I don’t know, what do you want me to do? Keeri: Well if Jemilla were here, she’d do something about all the killing, and extinction, and terrible stuff like, I don’t know…stop it? Zazzalil: You know what?! I don’t want to hear about what Jemilla would do, okay? Look at how much happier everyon- Zazzalil: Keeri, look at them.
Keeri: I won’t. Zazzalil: Look at them!
Keeri: No. Zazzalil: Alright. Then I’ll just tell you they’re much happier with me in charge! You know what? I forbid feeling nostaligic for Jemilla, forever. It’s BANNED. It’s banned, baby. *under her breath* what? She’s gone. She’s an exile, okay? We’re never gonna see her again. Keeri: I’m just worried you’re turning into a monster. Molag: And they never did see her again. She died. Mhm. During intermission, she was eaten by a lizard. Of all the things. Naaah I’m playin’ again! Ahhh. Jemilla’s not dead! She’s right over there! About 50 feet away from the rest of the tribe. But an exile. Now get ready everybody. ‘Cause what’s about to happen next is gon’ be real sad. In 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… Jemilla *singing*: I guess this is what I deserve Otherwise I wouldn’t be here right now Zazzalil’s got sommme nerrrrve Running off alone into the night How did she think I’d react? Just look at the facts Snarl did attack I guess I was holding us back It stands to reason that we could’ve beaten him long ago I just wish they would cut me some slack Yes, I get it This time I was wrong I know But if they only knew from my point of view I did it for you, Zazzalil I guess I don’t belong with the tribe I bet now that I’m gone they will thrive I know I’m not the bravest person If I’d have fought I’d make things worse than before *sigh* I guess I should get used to this Can’t really say I’m enjoying it now I’ll just sit here and reminisce Find happiness in my memories somehow But I can’t pretend this isn’t the end I miss all my friends! Duck: Quack. Jemilla: *gasp* Duck! *Speaking* Is that you?! Oh hey! Looks like you’re enjoying your freedom! That’s good. At least I did something right that day. Duck: Quack. Jemilla: Then again I’ll bet it felt real nice to be appreciated, huh? Duck: Quack. Jemilla: Yeah. Well hey, if you’ll let me I could worship again and then- maybe we could uh… nope. Okay. There he goes. *Sobs* *Singing* I guess I’m just alone from now on I’m out here on my own singing songs If only I could have two voices I’d harmonize but that’s not a choice I can make Ooo-oo-ooo-oo-oooo-oo-oo-ooo Ooo-oo-ooo-oo-oooo-oo-oo-ooo *Harmonizing* Ooo-oo-ooo-oo-oooo-oo-oo-ooo *Harmonizing* Ooo-oo-ooo-oo-oooo-oo-oo-ooo Jemilla *speaking*: Oh. Who are you? Uh-huh… Schwoopsie: Alright guys. Look, forget the old joke, okay? I-I did some soul searchin’ last night and I came up with some new material that I wanna test out! Alright, I’m gonna need a lil audience participation for this one so Tibs, aye? Tiblyn: Yeah. Schwoopsie: I’m lookin’ at you. Tiblyn: K. Schwoopsie: Alright! Hold on, just give me just one second. *mumbling* *chuckling* Yeah, that’s good. *chuckles again* Alright. WHY DID THE CHICKEN cross the road? Tiblyn: Uh. Why? Schwoopsie: I’onno, what’s a road?! Schwoopsie! *Badum-tss* Daeeeeeeeeehh Tiblyn: Fire’s great. Emberly: Yeah, fire’s great! Tiblyn: I mean, I could look at this all day. Emberly. Me too. ‘Cept my eyes are kinda burning from staring at it for so long. Oh shit, it’s night. Tiblyn: What? Oh shit. Hey, are you hungry? Emberly: Nope. Tiblyn: Yeah, me either. But like, would you eat some more mammoth ribs? Emberly: Yup. Tiblyn: Yeah me too. I’ll be right back. Grunt: Oh! Oh my! Oh my god! It’s you! It’s really you! Emberly: Grant! Emberly: Hello!
Grunt: At long last! Grunt: I went back to that bush every day hoping against all hope that you’d return! And it’s Grunt, actually. Emberly: It’s grunt to see you too, Grant! Grunt: For many nights, I have seen the glows of this place. My heart told me to follow the glow and… lead me back to you. Emberly: *sighs lovingly* Grunt: So what’s that thing? Emberly: Oh, that? Grunt: Yeah. Emberly: Oh…that’s just some new stuff that my tribe got. It’s called fire. Makes things hot. You could look at it. Probably not gonna catch on. Grunt: Um. Do you remember that day you shared your special skill with me? You know where you took leaves, and berries and you mixed them together to make a new taste? Emberly: Mhm! Grunt: Well, I wanted to share with you MY special skill. It’s something I invented. *Grunt grunting* It’s how I express myself. Emberly: *gasps* I-I-It’s a turkey! Wh- Wait, it’s not really a turkey. It just looks like a turkey. How did you do this? Did you smash a tiny turkey with this rock? Grunt: No. No no no. I made it! It’s called a “pinting”. Emberly: A “painting”… Grunt: That’s fine. Emberly: Wait wait. Can-can you make paintings of other things? Like, besides turkeys, I mean. Grunt: At first, I thought “no”. I figured out that you can. It’s just that turkeys, they’re kinda my specialty. *Both giggling* I mean, this is probably the best thing I’ve ever painted. *Giggles* If you’d like I can show you some of the others. Emberly: Oh. Yes, I would like that. Grunt: Yeah?
Emberly: Mhm! Grunt: Okay. Um… This painting is of my father. Emberly: You have his eyes! Or… are those his… his nostrils? Grunt: They’re… well they’re nostrils. Did I forget to draw the eyes? Oh, well, this one fucking sucks. This painting is of my mother. Emberly: Oo-oo-EUGH! Hoohoo! Hah… Wow! Hah… Grunt: My mother was VERY ugly. Emberly: Ohhh! Oh! Well then, this one is REALLY good! Grunt: Yeah! Yeah! This one is one of the better ones. Yeah. Emberly: Eughk! Haha! Grunt: And uh…this… is my self portrait. Emberly: Th-that’s you? Grunt: Yes. Emberly: What’s this? Grunt: My penis. Emberly: Going up to… Grunt: The moon. Emberly: Wow! That is so creative! What is this made out of? Ooohhh. Okay I’m detecting some mud… and a little poison berry. Very clever. And what… what is that third ingredient? Hm. Grunt: Yes, the last ingredient is poop. Well that’s how I achieved the light sienna and caramel color! Seen here, see. Emberly: *spitting* Mhm… Uhm… Say, do you- *exhales thoughtfully* Do you think you could teach me how to paint? Grunt: I-I would like that very much Em- Um…ha… W-What is it again? Emberly: Emberly. Grunt: Emily. Alright. Um… Well, first thing’s first Uh, you gotta mix the mud and the berries, and the poop together. Emberly: Ew. Grunt: Bu-but I’ve already got a pre-mixed batch here! In case I ever see a turkey. You just gotta get a ton of it on your hands. Yeah. Cake ’em in it. Yeah. And then uh, pick up a stone tablet and let your imagination go wild. Now let’s have some fun. Like uh, I can put a little bit of brown over here… maybe a line across there- ah GOD DAMN IT. I fucked it up. Emberly: How does mine look? Grunt: *sigh* It-it’s good. It’s too good. Emberly: What’s wrong? Grunt: It’s just… painting turkeys is like, my thing and I didn’t think you’d paint a turkey too. Emberly: Oh…ohh… I-I-I-It…*exhales sharply* It’s not a turkey, it’s not! It’s a… It’s… it’s… it… it’s a spider! Grunt: Well, spiders have a few more legs than that but it’s not bad. I’m sorry I got upset about the turkey. I’m just really self-conscious about my skill level. Emberly, since we met you have not left my thoughts. Partially because that sandwich you gave me has given me diarrhea ever since. Emberly: Ah! Yeah it’ll do that. Grunt: I was wondering… may I… paint you? So that I may have a way to see Emberly even when I cannot “see” Emberly. Emberly: Oh Grant, Yes, yes! I would like that so much. But I want something to remember you by too! *Gasp* Can we paint each other? Grunt: I…would prefer if I just painted you. Emberly: Oh, because you don’t want mine to be so much Emberly: better than yours.
Grunt: Thank you so much for understanding. Grunt: Yes, exactly. But, Lo-look! You can have some of my old stuff. You can have my “penis touches the moon”- Emberly: *Excited gasp* Grunt: Ehh… You can have my mother. Emberly: You would part with this hideous, shit-covered rock for me? Grunt: For you, I… I’d part with many of these paintings. Not all of ’em. But I do like you a lot. Emberly: I like you too, Grant. But I… don’t want this. Alright. Paint me. Grunt: Is… is that really the pose you’re gonna make? Emberly: I was thinkin’ about it. Grunt: *sigh* It’s a little hard but whatever. Grunt *singing*: Start with how your hair goes The fire light makes it glow Then I’ll move on to that cute nose Emberly: Paint how you see me Grunt: Next I’ll draw your smile And stare at it a while It just goes on for miles Paint how you see me I want to know how you see me And if it’s the same as I see you With the colors of love on your paint brush Paint how you *mumbling* see me Grunt: Now I’ll paint your body You always look so lovely I can’t explain these feelings Emberly: Paint how you see me Grunt: I think that I got everything The essence of your beauty I hope you like your painting of what I see in you Emberly: *Gasp* Grunt: Oh fuck I forgot the eyes again Can you get back position? Alright I guess that’s it then Together: I like how you see me Grunt *speaking*: Alright. Here it is. I… I’m really proud of how the hands turned out. Emberly: It’s SO wonderful! And… is that a cat sitting in front of me? Grunt: I can’t do feet. Emberly: It’s beautiful. Grunt: Beautiful… Emberly: You got shit on my face… Grunt: Oh, I’m so sorry! Grunt: I totally forgot.
Emberly: Just a lil. Grunt: I was so in the moment. But you do- you do know what I was tryna go for, right? Emberly: Yeah, I get it! Come on. Schwoopsie: Are you sure this is a good idea? Ducker: Nn-yes When fire was gifted from on high to the greatest tribe in the world, -Our tribe- A vessel was chosen, Someone through whom the holy fire makes its divine will known. That vessel is me… Someone: Huuh? Ducker: Nyes. Was I not the one who said, -and I quote- “I will be the FIRST to renounce my faith in the Duck!” What I didn’t tell you at the time was I said that because, I foresaw the coming of Fire Everyone: aaaah Schwoopsie: Yeeah that makes sense, that makes sense! Ducker: Mhm Mhm. Now, Since I am the only one who can hear the Fire’s voice, You’re going to have to take my word for it that I was indeed chosen BUT I don’t think I’ve ever given anybody any reason to distrust me. Schwoopsie: Uuuh,
Smelly-Balls: Oh, wait- Ducker: -NOW, since I am the VICAR of Fire on Earth, I must be given, a certain amount of, luxury. So that I may better interpret the Fire’s will. I also require a symbol of this privilege! Ahh, Uhm. HEAVY responsibility. I require… A hat. A big, silly hat! So that all may know, that I am, The Supreme, Flame Head Wizard. Schwoopsie: So..ah You want me to… light your head… on fire? Ducker: Yeas! Schwoopsie: Won’t it burn you? Ducker: Hah! Ye of little faith, the Fire will not burn me… I’m the best. For I have faith. And now we shall see where my faith, brings me. okay go for it. *crackling noises* *gasps* *music starts* Ducker: Mwa-ha *Schwoopsie laughing* Ducker: *humming* Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh-ouaaaaahhhh *panicked* aaaaaaaaAAH *breath* AAaaaaaaaAAAH *breath* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! HELP! Schwoopsie: What’s wrong? Ducker: MY FUCKING HEAD’S ON FIRE! WHAT THE FUCK? Schwoopsie: Stop! DUCKER: WHAT THE FUCK? Chorn: Chorn! Ducker: *panicky* WHAT THE FUCK? Tiblyn: Stop! Smelly-Balls: Stop! Stop! STOP! Emberly and Grunt: *singing* Just a taste of- WHAT THE FUCK? Ducker: *screaming* Schwoopsie and Tiblyn: *singing* Welcome to the stone- WHAT THE FUCK? Everyone: Woah! Woah! Woah! Woah! Everyone: *singing* Stop that flame, get that Stop that flame, get that Stop that flame, get that Stop that flame, get that FIRE! ZAZZALIL! Zazzalil: What the fuck? Everyone: Ouch my butt! Lookout! Zazzalil: what the fuck? Everyone: Ouch my butt! Lookout! Zazzalil: WHAT the FUCK? Everyone: OUCH MY BUTT
LOOKOUT Everyone and Zazzalil: AAAAAAAAHHHHHH! Stop that flame, get that Stop that flame, get that Stop that flame, get that Stop that Zazzalil: NEVERMIND, JUST RUN! EVERYONE: AAAAAAAAAHH! *panicked screaming and shouting* Ducker: Th-the village! THE VILLAGE IS ON FIRE! Smelly-Balls: I AM ON FIRRREEEE! Zazzalil: EVERYTHING’S ON FIRE! *coughing* Emberly: It’s all gone… The WHOLE village! EVERYTHING’S GONE. Ducker: Damn you, Zazzalil! This is your fault. We were doing just fine living in a cold, wet, SAFE cave worshipping a duck. You brought us fire. YOU told us to leave the cave. Well? Look what happened. The fire ate our huts! And died! Keeri: Jemilla was right. Zazzalil: Keeri? Keeri: She warned us. Told us that we didn’t understand fire. That it was dangerous. And now we’re out here… AT NIGHT NOWHERE NEAR THE CAVE and with no fire to protect us! What if Snarl comes back?! *Fearful gasps* Ducker: Bring us more fire, Firebringer! *Crowd agreeing* Zazzalil: I… I can’t. Tiblyn: Zazzalil led us astray! Ducker: She’s DOOMED us all! Grunt: WE TRUSTED YOU, ZAZZALIL! Zazzalil: Who the fuck are you? Grunt: Oh. I-I’m Grunt. I’m an outsider. I don’t know too much about what’s going on here but it does look like you let a lot of people down. Schwoopsie: Come on guys, let’s get back to the cave before we end up- *LOUD GROWLING* *Screaming* *Lots of screaming*
Emberly: Grant! No! No! Noooo! Zazzalil: Wow! I mean, that was a lucky break, right?! He just took that outsider! Alright guys. ‘right. Let’s get out of here while he takes that guy back to his lair to eat him okay? Emberly: NO! No, Zazzalil! No! We have to go in there and save him! Zazzalil: Wooah! Save him?! From Snarl?! Are you crazy? Emberly: Well you guys… Listen, I… I know we’ve only known Grant for a short amount of time but… He’s a really great guy. Chorn: Chorn! Emberly: Thank you. Smelly-Balls: Hell… YEAH, CHORN! YEEEAH! YOU GUYS, If I’ve. Learned. One. Thing… THROUGHOUT all of this… It’s that CHORRN… means A LOT of things… to a lot of different people… FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE. BUT… THE ONE THING… THAT CHORN MEANS… above all other things… CHORN… MEANS… FAMILY. Emberly: Great! Thank you so much, Smelly-Balls!- Smelly-Balls: AND IF EMBERLY REALLY CARES FOR THIS GUY… THIS GRUNT GUY… then that makes him more than just an OUTSIDER… THAT… MAKES HIIiiimm… Emberly: FAMILY! Smelly-Balls: FAMILY! Emberly: Okay! Smelly-Balls: YEAH! Emberly: Alright. Alright gang. We’ve beat Snarl before, we can do it again. *Sounds of agreement* Zazzalil: No you can’t. Emberly: Yes we can! We’re the best! Zazzalil: No you’re not!- Schwoopsie: YYYY-Ya know what?! Just… Shut up, Zazzalil. We hate you. We love Grant! Crowd: *mix of yeahs* Smelly-Balls: He-he-he-he’s my family! Schwoopsie: Alright so, Emberly, last time we beat Snarl it was ’cause we had fire. So uh… what’re we going to do? Emberly: Okay. So uh… Gee… maybe w-w-we don’t need fire… if we… have something… that looks like fire?! Like… *ding* I have an idea. *sounds of shock*
Tiblyn: Oh my gosh…
Zazzalil: Emberly… Zazzalil: Come on! You’re just taking a shit on the ground?! This is a terrible idea! Schwoopsie: Please, please please. I-I-I wanna see where she’s goin’ with this. *curious murmurs* Emberly: Alright. There! Crowd: *Gasps* Tiblyn: Woah! Fire… Crowd: Fire! Keeri: Emberly, you just shat out a fire. Ducker: All hail Emberly! The Fireshitter! Crowd: Fireshitter! Crowd: Fireshitter!
Emberly: Stop! Crowd: Fireshitter! Emberly: NO! NO! No! No! Nooo. It’s not really fire. It’s not even warm! Keeri: I dunno guys. I think it’s a lil warm. It’s called a “painting”. And maybe we could use it to trick Snarl into thinking that we have fire long enough to save Grant! Schwoopsie: YYYY-Yeah! That could work! That could work! Tiblyn: I think this painting does looks JUST like fire *Crowd agreeing*
Schwoopsie: It’s uncanny. Emberly: Well then let’s go, gang! Come on! To Snarl’s lair! We’re the best! Zazzalil: No… Everyone: We’re the best! Everyone: We’re the best!
Zazzalil: Come on, this is so stupid! Everyone: We’re the best!
Zazzalil: Emberly, please! What did you eat?! Everyone: We’re the best!
Zazzalil: Come on! You’re going to get yourselves killed! Everyone: We’re the best!
Zazzalil: Don’t you understand?! Zazzalil: Keeri! Everyone: We’re the best!
Zazzalil: Come on. Zazzalil: I don’t care if everyone else dies but not you! Come on, let’s get outta here. We can go collect nuts! It’ll be like old times. Keeri: Okay! Wait a second… This is all YOUR fault. When Jemilla was in charge and we were complaining and breaking rules together, that was so fun! But now that you’re in charge, and there’s no one else to blame, it’s kind of like… fuck you? I think I’m gonna go help them. Because Grant seems like a really great guy. I’m the best. Keeri: I’m the best.
Zazzalil: Keeri, come on…Keeri! Keeri! Come on! Keeri: P-LEEEASE. Zazzalil: I just… wanted to be lazy. *Singing*: What if I tried something new and it- Ensemble: BACKFIRED Zazzalil: What if I did something more and it- BACKFIRED Schwoopsie: You made a schwoopsieee… Ducker: You burned down the villaaage… Smelly-Balls: You killed all the mammothsss… Tiblyn: You poisoned the waterrr… Emberly: You lost my Graaant… Chorn: Chooooooorn… Zazzalil: Okay okay okay! Zazzalil *speaking*: Geez, Chorn, I get it. Molag: Heyyyy everybodyyy. Wassup? So, all the while, Molag, me, has been lookin’ for the end of the Earth. And I still can’t find the damn place. You privileged fucks could probably just take an Uber there whenever you want! Spend a night at an Airbnb order GrubHub You fuckin’ assholes. I have been walkin’ my old ass off! And no dice! So I guess I can take a break to narrate a little bit. Here I go. Zazzalil walked around all in her feelin’s thinkin’ about how she messed everything up. And just when she’s just about to get real sad, a mysterious stranger appears. *wind chimes* Stranger: You look lost. Zazzalil: I am lost. Stranger: Have you tried retracing your steps until you returned to the place where you began? Zazzalil: No. I know where I began. Stranger: Oh. Well then, you’re not lost. Zazzalil: No. Nonono! No, no no. I AM lost. Stranger: Okay. Zazzalil: I just… I don’t know what to do with my life. I fucked everything up. Stranger: A story I have heard a thousand times. Tell me, What is your name? Zazzalil: Zazzalil. Stranger: Zazzalil… Ohhh. Fuck no. I’ve been hearing about you way too much. You’re coming with me. Zazzalil: What? Wai…Where are you taking me? Stranger: To my tribe. Zazzalil: Oh wow, look at all these people. Stranger: Yes. There are thousands of us. Zazzalil: Thousands of you? Holy shit. Jemilla: Well. Well. Well… Look who was wrong. You know, for a while I thought it was me. But I feel SO vindicated seeing that it was actually you. Zazzalil: Jemilla… What are you doing here with this tribe? Jemilla: I’m their new leader. Zazzalil: Really? Jemilla: Yeah. I’m smart and qualified to govern. What? You didn’t think I’d find a new job? I mean, you’re the one who never likes to do any work and who isn’t goood at anything. *Laughs* *Snort* Yeah! So let me guess. You burned down the entire village and now Snarl’s gonna eat everybody? Zazzalil: Yeah that’s right. Jemilla: Yessssss. Zazzalil: But guess what, J-Mils? I learned my lesson! I’m ready to step down. You’re the leader again! Just in time to rectify YOUR mistake of leaving me in charge. Jemilla: Awww. I’m sorry, Zazzalil. I am not coming back. Zazzalil: But… But we’re a FAMILY. Jemilla: Ohh… I have a new family now! Did you see my husband? Clark? He is an Adonis. And it’s not just him. This entire tribe is full of the most beautiful people I have ever seeeen. And they actually remembered that um… Today’s my birthday. *Nonchalant sound* Zazzalil: *whispering* Fuuuuuck. We remembered! Why do you think we came all the way over here- It was to celebrate your big day! *Singing* Happy birthday Happy birthday Happy b- Clark: Hey J, is she buggin’ you? Would you like me to get her outta here? Jemilla: No that’s okay, Clark. It’s alright. Hey, have the kids had lunch yet? Clark: I’m makin’ it for them right now. Jemilla: Oh I love you so much. Clark: I love you. Jemilla: Love you, baby. Love youuu. *Wind chimes* He’s so good with the kids. And it’s not just him, Zazz. Do you see ALLL these beautiful people here? These are These are all my husbands and wives. Zazzalil: Wow. Lucky. Jemilla: Yeah. Back in the old tribe I had zero husbands and ONE wife and that was Schwoopsie and then she fuckin’ told everyone to eat me. Child 1: Mommy! Mommyyy! Child 2: Mom! We did all the chores! Child 1: Yeah yeah yeah! For your birfdayyyy! Claire: *Laughing* Kids! What did mommy say about bothering mommy while mommy was busy? Child 2: Don’t do it? Claire: *Laughs* That’s right! *Laughs* Jemilla: It’s okay, Claire. Claire: Hi. Oh. Hello, Zazzalil. I’ll be right over here if you need me, okay? Jemilla: Okay. I love you, baby. Both: I love you so much. Claire: I love you. Child 1: Bye mommy. *Wind chimes* Jemilla: Be good, kids. Hey, did you see that? I am one proud mammaaaa… Zazzalil: Yeah yeah. That’s pretty idyllic BUT tell you what. Limited time offer. Today only. You come back and help us, I’LL be your wife. Hm? Jemilla: Zazzalil… Zazzalil: You like what you see? All this can be yours. All night, every night. *Huffing* come on. Jemilla: Damn, Zazz… mmMm… As tempting as that is, I have to say no because I kinda hate you. And why would I leave ALL of this to come back to a tribe of… no offence, idiots? Zazzalil: Because! Jemilla: No thanks. Zazzalil: No… *Wind chimes*
Zazzalil: No, please don’t walk into that light… Zazzalil: Please! Listen. I’m a shit head, alright? I have all these ideas about how I wanna make life better or whatever. And I just go for it! And I don’t think! About what could happen. So then, when something bad DOES happen, I ignore it. I want to make change… I just… end up making chaos. I can’t do peace! You’re the peacemaker. Jemilla: *Sigh* You know, sometimes chaos is good too. It’s how new discoveries get made. And as much as I want to, I can’t ban those new discoveries. I mean, you can’t un-discover something. We just have to be smart about how we use it. Fire makes life easier but it’s some dangerous shit. You just want to advance. I can’t blame you for that. I want that too. *Sigh* You know, maybe you and I are like 2 sides of the same *laughs*… Uhh… I don’t even know what. New tribe! Come on out here. *Wind chimes*
Claire: What’s up, J? Jemilla: *whispering* Oh god. I love you guys SO much. But I think I have to go back to my old tribe now. Claire: Awww. It’s okay. We understand. Jemilla: God, I knew you would! Oh you guys are SO much better than humans! What do you call yourselves again? Claire: “Neanderthals” Jemilla: “Neanderthals” Man, I really hope my species doesn’t wipe you guys out. Clark: No worries. Jemilla: Clark! There you are! Clark: If we open up our hearts to one another in love then we can share this big, beautiful world. Jemilla: God. Shut the fuck up! I’m gonna miss you so much, Clark! Pierce! Nikolai! Jon Jackson! Nick Kabat! I love you guys! *Blows a kiss* Zazzalil: *Blows a kiss* Clark: Fuck no, Zazz. Zazzalil: Noted. Thank you so much. Jemilla: Please don’t forget me! Claire: Never. Jemilla: Please. I love you, Claire. I love you! Be good, kids. I love you so much- Child 2: BYE MOM!
Jemilla: Be good for mom. Jemilla: Goodbye! *Crying* *Crying* Zazzalil: Hey… Thanks for giving up all your husbands and wives. Jemilla: It’s okay. I’ve got a new wife nowww Zazzalil: Woah! Wait, you’re gonna hold me to that? Jemilla: Uh. Yeah. Zazzalil: Okay, I’m into it. Alright. Okay. What’s your plan to defeat Snarl? Jemilla: You know that spear you invented? Zazzalil: Yeah? Jemilla: We need more of those. Zazzalil: Ooohhh… Zazzalil *Singing*: I never think about the consequence Jemilla: I’d underestimate your competence Both: But together nothing’s standing in our way Come on let’s go, there’s no time to delay Cus if we do it together then let’s just do it together Now you and I are together Let’s do it together Come on let’s do it together Come on let’s do it together *Fast instrumentals* Jemilla: It’s time to face what’s given us such fear Zazzalil *speaking*: Hey! come on! Zazzalil *singing*: He’ll be no match against our mighty spear Jemilla: *speaking*: Catch up! Both *singing*: Together there is nothing we can’t beat There’s no more fear to force us to retreat Cus if we do it together then let’s just do it together Now you and I are together Let’s do it together No matter what we will weather We’re in this together Come on let’s do it together Come on let’s do this together Aaaaaahhhhhh~ *Huffing* It’s always better when you’re by my side There’s no one else I’d rather be beside You couldn’t stop us even if you tried Zazzalil *speaking*: We gotta go! Both *speaking*: We gotta save our tribe! Both *singing*: Cus if we do it together then let’s just do it together Now you and I are together Let’s do it together No matter what we will weather We’re in this together Come on let’s do it together Come on let’s do it together Let’s do it together Come on let’s do it together Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh~ Let’s go! Emberly: Alright, come on gang. But we gotta stay together. Schwoopsie: *whimpering* Uh oh, guys! It’s S-S-S-S-Snarl! Crowd: Shhh! Emberly: Schwoopsie! Snarl’s asleep! You’re gonna wake him up! Schwoopsie: Sorry guys. That was a lil schwoops. *Badum-tss*
It won’t happen again. Emberly: Look! Grant! Grant! Grant! Grant! Can you hear me? Grant: Ho! Oh! Oh you-you came for me! Emer…Emi- One more time. What was it again? Emberly: We gotta get you outta before Snarl wakes up! Grant: Oh yes. His belly is full now He ate my arm. Crowd: Ahhh! Emberly: Oh no! Well at least you’re still alive. Grant: No… You don’t understand, Embly. He ate my painting arm. Emberly: That’s terrible! Can you walk? Grant: No. Snarl also ate my feet. Crowd: *GASP* Emberly: Oh that’s awful! Grant: I know. It’s like how am I suppose to practise drawing those now? I can’t do that shit from memory! Emberly: Come on guys! We gotta drag him home! Schwoopsie: I got this! I got this. *Pop* Grant: AH! Schwoopsie: *Panicked whining* Schwooopsieeee! *Badum-tss*
Snarl: Huh? *Blink* *Blink* Snarl: Egh hegh oeuhh Crowd: *Relieved exhale* Emberly: Oh wow. I thought your shouting was gonna wake up Snarl for sure but… Ooo he’s out cold. Aoohhh *Playful giggling* Tickle tickle hahaaa Emberly: Look, I’ve got my arm in his ear
Crowd: *Laughing* *Pop* Keeri: Can… can I please pet him? Emberly: Yeah! Go ahead! He’s real soft! Keeri: Okay. Hi…hi… I’m your mommy now. Crowd: *Variations of awing* Tiblyn: That’s so cuuute Emberly: Wow you guys, I thought saving Grant was gonna be hard *laughs* And it’s great that we came prepared with a plan but I am very glad it did not come to that. Alright! Let’s go home! Come on, Keeri! Come on! Come on! Keeri: Oh alright- Zazzalil: HEY EVERYBODY! WE’RE HERE TO HELP! *GROWL* Crowd: AAAHHHHHHHH Emberly: What’s your fucking problem?! Zazzalil: What? Emberly: We were almost out the door and you woke up Snarl! Zazzalil: Great. Now I feel like a fucking idiot. Crowd: You are a fucking idiot! Jemilla: Heyyyy! Emberly: We don’t even need you right now! We had a plan the whole time! Someone hand me the FIRE! Jemilla: Babe! I thought you said they ran out of fire! Zazzalil: Babe, it’s a rock covered in shit. It’s a bad plan. *GROWL* Crowd: AAHHH! Emberly: Alright! Here it goes! Stay back, Snarl! That’s right! We brought FIRE! DON’T come any closer! I MEAN IT! I-I-It looks better from far away! Crowd: *Anxious whimpering* Ducker: Look! It’s working! Tiblyn: Are you sure?! Emberly: No… no no… no no… no no… Emberly: Don’t sniff it!
Snarl: *Sniff sniff* Emberly: Don’t sniff it’ll… it’ll…
Snarl: *Sniff* Emberly: It’ll burn you? Emberly: Ahh!
Tiblyn: Oh no, you guys. Tiblyn: We forgot that Snarl can smell. Schwoopsie: Noo! Do you think that he can smell that that fire is really shit? Ducker: Have faith! It’s still working! Snarl: *SNIFF* *SNIFF* Eugh! Oh fuck! Eugh. Emberly: Oh come on! It’s not that bad! *GROWL*
Crowd: *Screaming* Emberly: Zazzalil! Jemilla! Please help! Please! Tiblyn: Ahhh! He’s gonna eat us! Jemilla: NO HE’S NOT! Everyone STAY behind me! Zazzalil: Alright, you heard her gang! We’ll stay back here. Good luck, Jemilla. Moment of truth. Jemilla: Uhhh WHAT THE FUCK? Get your ass over here! If we’re going to do this *Song-like* we’re gonna do it together. Zazzalil: Okay! Alright, alright. Okay. I’ll stab him in one eye and then you stab him in the other and then we’ll kind of, stir his brains around like this. Got it?! Jemilla: Got it! Here we goooo! Everyone: AAAAAHHHHH! Zazzalil and Jemilla: UGH! *Offstage singing voice*: Did you see that spark upon the wall? Zazzalil: Did you see that?! Jemilla: Yeah! Snarl hit his head! Quick! Let’s scatter! He can’t catch both of us! No no! I mean that that spark upon the wall. It was… kind of like a tiny… fire… Give me your spear head! I have an idea. Jemilla: What, are you nuts? These are our only line of defence! Zazzalil: Trust me. *Clang clang clang clang clang…* *Upbeat rhythmic percussion* Ensemble: Light that flame, get that Light that flame, get that Light that flame, get that Light that flame, get that power That power That power That fire! Zazzalil and Jemilla: *Shocked* Both: *Yelling* Snarl: Oh oh! Shit! Oh! Holy shit! Oh that’s hot! Ow my eye! Ohh that burns! Oh please, lord! Tell my wife I failed! Tell her I love herrrr! Jemilla: You did it! You figured out how to MAKE fire! Crowd: YAAAAY! Zazzalil: And! We burned another big, beautiful animal to death! Crowd: YAAAAY!
Smelly-Balls: Hell yeah!
Keeri: Nooooo Jemilla: *Relieved sigh* We have fire again! And you know, holding it in front of me I can see that it’s actually pretty coool. Zazzalil: Yeah, but now that we’ve seen how this cool, new technology can “burn” us… Crowd: *Humorous laughter* Zazzalil: We should probably be careful with it. Jemilla: Damn, Zazz, you sound like a real draaag. Crowd: *More humorous laughter* Chorn *Echo-y alien voice*: You have done well… humans. Everyone: Chorn?! Is that you?! Chorn: Yes. I am Chorn. I came from the sky. A test this all has been. Everyone: What the fuck? Chorn: When the Federation of Chorn seeded life on this planet 4 billion years ago, the high lords of Chorn-a-sorn calculated that any sentient life that would rise from here would inevitably become its own undoing. Everyone: What the fuck? And so I watched you. I have even taken physical form to walk amongst you. And when I felt the time was right, I brought down a photon charge from the ship. The lightning bolt that gifted YOU… fire. *Gasps of wonder* Ducker: So… You. Are. God… Chorn: Ohhh there is no god. I then wanted to see if humanity was capable of harnessing this new technology without destroying itself. I now see that you are. But you must never forget the lessons you have learned. Balance… responsibility, a thirst for truth. Do not let the wonders you’ve discovered turn you into apathetic, ignorant, or privileged fucks. Does that all make sense? Tiblyn: What? Ducker: I don’t care. Smelly-Balls: FAMILY. Chorn: Excellent. Now, I must go. But before I leave, I will bestow a gift! Grant… Everyone: Wooaahhw… Chorn: In order for humanity to learn its lesson, you had to lose your arm and feet. Grunt: Yeah, it sucked. Chorn: I will make all right. Grunt: Geugh Woooah… Crowd: *Sounds of amazement* Grunt: A new arm! Can you make me new feet too? Chorn: Ohh I can’t do feeet. Grunt: Me neither. Chorn: I can give you arms where your feet used to be? Grunt: Yess. Emberly: NO! No. Nooo. Noo. Thank you! That’s so weird. Thanks though. And to this entire tribe, I shall give to you the gift of my vast alien knowledge. *Singing* Yeeeeessss Behooooooold meeeee I am Choooooorn Ooooooooh from which your world was boooooorn The face of man I’ve wooooooooooorn Disguising my true fooorm Behold me now I’m here To give to you my wisdom The truth I’ve held so dear I share now with this visioooon I am Choooooorn I am Choooooooooorn Behold me, I am Chorn: Choooooooooorn~
Ensemble: The leaves are from Ensemble: the trees. Just as they will. The sky is blue. The clouds are white. The stars move across the sky. And in this time we finally know whyyyy Everyone: It’s Choooooooooorn It’s Choooooooooorn It’s Choooooooooorn It’s Choooooooooorn Chorn: Behold meeeee Behold meeeee Behold me, I am Chooooorn I am Choooooooorn G’byyye! *Overwhelmed mumbling* Jemilla: OOAH! *Panting* The knowledge… Did you see what I saw? Zazzalil: You mean… the future of all humanity? Crowd: *Various yeses* Ducker: And… And we all saw the temple we must build in dedication of the Almighty Duck? Crowd: *Various noes*
Zazzalil: No one saw that. Jemilla: No, that was not in there. Well guys, looks like this really is the dawn of a new age. Let’s make it a good one. We got a lot to do to make it work We got a lot to do to work it out Ensemble: We got a lot to do to make it work We got a lot to do to work it out We got a lot to do to make it work We got a lot to do to work it out We got a lot to do to make it work We got a lot to do to work it out Jemilla: *Singing* Ohh I can’t deny I feel beside myself to be here with my tribe again Jemilla and Zazzalil: Ohh not gonna lie I think the climate’s gonna be feelin’ cool vibes again Emberly and Grunt: Ohh the love in the air is palpable It almost makes our problems laughable Ducker: Ohh we finally have a higher purpose to fix ourselves so we deserve it! Everyone: Oooooooooooo~ Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooooooooo Oooooooooooo~ Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooooooooo Tiblyn: Hail the sun beating down See its light all around Raise your hands to the sky and keep them there Forever and ever and ever and ever! Everyone: Oooooooooooo~ Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooooooooo Oooooooooooo~ Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooooooooo We gotta make the most of our time here Make the most of it Do the best that we can here We gotta do a lot of work to make it right Emberly and Grunt: Just a taste of something good Jemilla and Zazzalil: There’s a change in the climate something’s in the aaair Emberly and Grunt: Just a taste to know if I should Jemilla and Zazzalil: No need to define it something’s in the aaair Both pairs: The feeling is indescribable We are here and it’s undeniable If we’re gonna stay we gotta find a way to maintain the balance set in place Everyone: Oooooooooooo~ Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooooooooo Oooooooooooo aaaaaaaaah~ Jemilla: What if I tried something new and opened up my arms to you? I know we don’t always agree But they need you as much as me What if I could promise more than what I gave to you before? So when we don’t see eye to eye I’ll always give your way a try Zazzalil: This is the daaaawn The dawn of our time We are womankind With the gift of a stronger mind Zazzalil and Jemilla: This is the daaaawn The dawn of our time We are mankind With the gift of a greater mind Ducker: Quack. Ducker: Quack.
Molag: Hey guys! I’m back! I went around the world! And guess what?! Everyone: What? Molag: It’s a circle! Everyone: We know! Chorn told us! With its mind! Molag: What the fuuu…
Schwoopsie: Schwoopsie! Jemilla: We got a lot to do to make it work We got a lot to do to work it out Everyone: We got a lot to do to make it work We got a lot to do to work it out We gotta make the most of our time here Make the most of it Do the best that we can here We gotta do a lot of work to make it Make the most of our time here Make the most of it Doin’ all that we can here You’d be surprised for how much you can Ensemble 1: Make the most of our time here. Make the most of it
Ensemble 2: Welcome to the Stone Age 1: Do the best that we can here. We gotta do a lot to work to make it
2: Welcome to the Stone Age 1: Make the most of our time here. Make the most of it
Ensemble: We are in a new age 1: Do the best that we can here
2: Welcome to the- Everyone: Gotta do a lot of work To make it 1: Riiiiiiiiiiiight~
2: We got a lot to do to make it work! We got a lot to do to work it out! (Song: Just a Taste)

91 thoughts on “Firebringer

  1. So I watched TGWDLM and then this and I think I’ve absolutely fallen in love with everything about this. Between the friggin duck and Robert’s Hips during Show Stopper, I can’t even I—


  3. I saw a clip from the first scene and I’m literally just watching this to figure out why Tiblyn’s not holding up the sky in the beginning so that’s uh my life now

  4. Jamillah was the first and the strongest VSCO girl. Look at all those seashell necklaces. Hoes these days can only dare to dream

  5. “You know how something’s there’ll be a pack of coyotes feeding on a rabbit and there’s a small runt being kept from the meal. I’m like the rabbit.” A WHOLE MOOD

  6. I'm sorry did someone just unironically cheer when she said "fuck bees they can all burn who even needs them?"

  7. "I believe if we burn enough things we can change the climate forever
    Yeah we can do it"

    The poor amazon forest… stop predicting the future it scary

  8. 2nd least favorite Starkid musical, the “privileged fucks” joke got old real quick and the rest of it wasn’t on par with most Starkid productions

  9. you know, when a hot guy just casually comes up to you and starts harmonizing with you and holds you hand, and then you walk away with that man

    oh my god jemilla’s married to everyone, i fucking love this musical, bisexual icons

  10. Did Anyone else see that rachel (emberly)didn’t have glasses on in we are people now but had them on in the next scene 🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

  11. Åh, the relationships here remind me so much of the headcanons of my drama group for our play. We had all agreed everyone was sleeping with everyone except the married people lol

  12. i love how if you put captions on, when lauren’s talking about the squirrel bringing home nuts, it says “in Draco voice”😂

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