Home Improvement: Power Tool Pursuit – Game Grumps

Home Improvement: Power Tool Pursuit – Game Grumps


Arin: Hey I’m Grump! Danny: I’m not so Grump! Both: And we’re the Game Grumps! D: Okay, welcome to this nightmare! It’s Home Improvement… A: (Laughing) It’s Home Improvement. A: (Laughing) It’s Home Improvement.
D: and I know it must be bad D: because Arin was like “Close your eyes.”
A: (Laughs) D: “Don’t… don’t look at the screen while I-” A: Well I didn’t want to spoil the surprise. D: Yeah, no. I mean- A: When you- when you think of…
D: Mmhm. A: Home Improvement, Super Nintendo game…
D: Yeah? A: What do you imagine?
D: Probably the greatest game of all time- D: Pro- cause-
A: (interrupting) Like what- what do you- what is the game? D: That’s a really good question. D: Is- is the so- is there some… uh hijinks afit? D: Uh… like afoot on Tool Time and… D: I need to sort it out as… D: Tim Allen? Or maybe… D: I need to find my coke dealer. (Laughs) A: You gotta rat on your friends- AEUHHH???? D: (Laughs) I’m sorry Tim Allen I… D: I mean, a lot of people do coke you shouldn’t… get a bad rap for that. A: You should get a bad rap for that. D: Oh I mean… uh… should you? D: But like a bad wrap from like Subway. D: Anyway, here we go! D: It’s Tool Time!
A: Look his kids are on the show for some reason. D: Yeah! …why wouldn’t they be? A: Because they’re not on the show. D: “Al, today is a very special day here at Tool Time. The Binford.” A: (Laughs) D: “Tool Company is honoring their favorite TV personality.” A: AEUHHH???? D: (Laughs) Wow that’s actually him. A: “Well, thank you Tim. I appreciate Binford’s support…” D: “Ha ha ha ha, Al! Not you, oh Prince of Plaid.” D: “It’s me, Tim “The Tool Man” Taylor.” A: “And how will they be honoring you, oh Master of Mistakes?” (Both laugh in character) D: “By adding my name to a new line of ultra-power tools!” D: “Shut up.” D: “By adding my name to a new line of ultra-power tools!” A: AEUHHH???? A: “Everyone knows that… real craftsmen don’t need more power, Tim.” D: “Al, I’m gonna fuckin-” A: (Laughs) Al, you- D: “Don’t give me that new age philosophy!! The.” D: “Modern man wants the same thing he did in the Stone.” D: “Age…? — What is that, audience??”
A: (Laughs) Both: “MORE POWER.” D: “Ah, yes!! The lilting sounds of the catchy Binford.” A: (Laughing)
D: “Jingle! It’s time to reveal the new Binford-Taylor.” D: “Turbo-power tool line!!!” A: AEUAEUAEUAE- A: AEUAEUHHH???? D: Oh god. (Laughs) His walk cycle is terrible.
A: There he goes. There he goes. A: Hey come back!
D: Yup. D: “Al!! The tool case is empty!! Call security!! Call.” A: (Laughs) D: “The police!? Call the national guard!!”
A: (Laughs more) A: “Now, Tim. Calm down. The tools were probably.” *WHOOPS* D: “Sure, Al!” (Laughs)
A: (Laughs) D: (Still laughing) “It’s OK for you to be calm – the tools don’t have your name on them!” D: “Look I found this note.” D: “Back stage! If you ever want to see your precious tools.” D: “Again, go back to the stone age where you belong!” D: Wh- “OK Al, the joke’s over. Where are the tools?” A: “Tim, honest, I did not take your tools. I wonder.” A: “What the note means. Stone age, huh. Y’know, we.” D: (Laughs) A: “Might try looking right here on the lot. They’re.” A: “Filming Dinosaur Safari on sound stage 3. Might be.” A: “A good place to start…”
D: I cannot believe A: (Laughs)
D: that I was dead fuckin right… D: that some hijinks were afoot on Tool Time and I had to solve them.
A: (Laughs) D: I can’t *believe* that! A: It’s the turbo-triple-action ripper dude. D: Yeah, but only turbo is- matters apparently. A: Yeah, it’s the bolded letters- D: *RALPH* A: *mumbles* different color. Thank you. D: Whoo! That one caught me off guard. OH!
A: Thank you. That was nice. D: WOAH Woah woah!
A: Alright, welcome to the first level! D: Oh my god I’m on a sound stage. Okay.
A: Yeah. D: So I can jump… A: Mhm. D: I can- I can flex. (Laughs) I can f- I can jump and-
A: You can flex. You can- and he goes A: AEUHHH???? D: Oh! A: And you can use your- uh Bionic Commando grappling hook.
D: I have a- yeah I have a D: I have a grappling claw. Oh!
A: Yeah. D: And I- (excited) I got tools! Holy shit!
A: Yeah. Dude it’s Tool Time. A: It’s Home Improvement dude.
D: (Laughs) D: I can jackhammer!
A: (Laughs) D: And collect the Cheerios! A: (Laughs) D: Did I win? D: Did I get the Cheerios?
A: Whoah don’t fall off the ledge dood. D: Yeah this is a dangerous sound stage. A: Don’t fall off the ledge dood. D: Oh.
A: That’s an ant. D: Oh, oh! D: Oh! Oh!
A: You might want to kill it. D: OH! OH WHOAHO! D: OH! OHNO!
A: (Laughs) D: Oh! D: GOT him. A: More POWER! D: Yeah.
A: You wanna take out that ant you need POWER. D: You better fuckin believe it! A: (SoUnDs oF POWER) D: You think I’m gonna take on an ant with half power? D: FUCK THAT SHIT. Oh, those are NUTS.
A: Yeah. D: I have to collect the NUTS.
A: Well there’s- there’s a- there’s a pterodactyl A: throwing eggs at you. D: Yeah, how do I take him out with a staple gun?
A: (Laughs) D: Um… D: What if I use the gra- no there’s- that’s-
A: No you can’t do that. D: AAAGGGHHHH!
A: OHHH NO! D: OH GOD! D: I’ve been knocked out and my D: children-
A: Jonathan Taylor Thomas is coming around to give you a hotdog. A: Jonathan Taylor Thomas is coming around to give you a hotdog. D: Alright.
A: Jonathan Taylor Thomas is coming around to give you a hotdog. D: This is terrible. A: Yeah I know, it’s great.
D: It’s really good, okay. A: No, it’s super good.
D: Ohh, so these- okay. A: Yeah, you just gotta shoot screws outta your… D: Do I have-
A: staple gun. D: Ye- Well, yeah that doesn’t make any sense but, alright.
A: It’s a nail gun. D: Ye- Well, yeah that doesn’t make any sense but, alright. D: That’s the golden nut. A: So do you like it? Yeah?
D: I love it. D: Why *wouldn’t* I love it? D: Are you kidding me?
A: Wow, look at it go- A: Jeez, you have like infinite- woah my god!
D: Yeah! D: I can- This is dangerous. A: They’re bigger now too. D: I- thank you for noticing.
A: Whatever happened… A: made them bigge*burp*r.
D: Yeaarhh (Laughs) A: AEUHHH???? D: STAHP. The- blow up, pterodactyl! A: (Laughs)
D: I’m shootin you with so many nails. A: Well that’s how they explain it away. D: Ugh!
A: It’s like “Oh, it’s a sound stage so it’s not a real perodactyl.” A: It’s like “Oh, it’s a sound stage so it’s not a real perodactyl.” A: “It’s a machine pterodactyl.”
D: Oh, you’re right. A: But it’s re- it’s *really* flying around. D: Oh, OH GOD THE ANTS! A: The ants (Laughs) The ant’s will be the death of you dude. D: Je- oh they were, they were. D: Je- oh they were, they were.
A: That was A: Do you remember the episode of Home Improvement when A: there was an ant crawling around? A: there was an ant crawling around?
D: I do not. A: and Tim was like “Gotta shoot it with the staple gun.” D: Are you- are you being serious?
A: and then he went- and then he went A: AEUHHH???? D: Is this canon? D: Is this canon?
A: and then uhhh… A: and then Jonathan Taylor Thomas was like “I’m gonna have a career.” D: (Laughs) Did he? A: He did for like… a couple years. D: Good for him. A: and then he vanished. A: He was uh- he was Simba. A: Dood. D: (Amazed) Jonathan Taylor Thomas was Simba? A: Yeah, you didn’t know that? D: (rethinking whole life) I did not fucking know that. A: He’s gonna be a mighty king so enemies beware. D: (Adjusting to this new reality) That’s insane. A: Yeah, it’s too bad he didn’t have much hair. A: Yeah, it’s too bad he didn’t have much hair.
D: (Adjustment failed) LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT NUT! A: That’s a huge nut! D: THAT’S A LOTTA NUTS!
A: That’s a HUGE nut! D: That’ll be FOUR BUCKS, BABY! A: You want FRIES WITH THAT!? D: Oh, am I- is this a death? D: Is that death?
A: No it’s not a death. (lies and deceit) D: No? I can fall? A: Yeah, you can fall. (betrayal and falsehoods)
D: Okay. A: Just kidding! (Both laugh) D: (Laughing) You’re such a dick! D: *gasp* Oh it was my last guy! A: No but it doesn’t matter! D: Right when I was getting the fuckin hang of it.
A: Uh huh. D: I’m amazing at this game now! Now it’s too late. (Also lies) D: No, I didn’t get the tools! A: “Hey, Al, I think I’m gonna try to find the missing.” A: “Tools again.”
D: (Laughs) (Both laugh) A: Gee I don’t know- ugh-
D: Yeah yeah, alright yeah… A: The audience says yes.
D: Wasn’t there an attractive woman on their show with them? D: Wasn’t there an attractive woman on their show with them? A: Yeah.
D: Yeah. D: What could they not get-
A: For- A: For one season it was like… A: an actually po- it was like Jenny McCarthy or something. D: Woah, really?
A: an actually po- it was like Jenny McCarthy or something. D: Woah, really?
A: Yeah. A: and then they just switched it out for… A: people that I dunno… (trails off)
D: Sounds like contract negotiations. D: Sounds like contract negotiations.
A: Yeah. A: She’s like “I’m famous now can you pay me more?” A: and they’re like “Pfft. No!”
D: “Haha yeah, lot of fish in the sea, hon.” D: Alright. D: Let’s do this! A: Wait, how come when I was trying to kill myself earlier… A: … in the game… D: Uh huh? A: Uhh… A: It was- it just like let me- D: He’s totally- did- he d- he definitely didn’t just do coke. A: It just like- (Laughs)
D: (coked out) “AL THE TOOL CASE IS EMPTY. CALL SECURITY! CALL POLICE!” D: (coked out) “AL THE TOOL CASE IS EMPTY. CALL SECURITY! CALL POLICE!” D: Bop bop bop bop bop bop…
A: (Suspicioso)”Something’s different about you Tim.” D: “What are you talking about?” He’s got like fuckin D: ‘baby powder’ like from head to toe.
A: (tweaker noises) A: (tweaker noises) A: (tweaking) “WHAT YOU TALKIN ABOUT?!” A: (hyperventilating) A: T h e y ‘ r e e v e r y w h e r e (Both laugh) D: “Do you not see them!? The snakes! They’re all over me!” D: “Do you not see them!? The snakes! They’re all over me!”
A: “The ants! The ants and pterodactyls!” D: “They’re all on my skin!” A: (Laughs) This is just his coke dream! D: Aww, dude that-
A: It’s like- Crazy coked up nightmare. D: Now that’s a fuckin SNES game I’d like to play. A: (Laughs) Coke Dream? D: Yeah, Coke Dream: The Home Improvement game. D: Okay. D: Boy, this thing is kinda hard to-
A: Can you even A: Can you *even* get past this level? D: Oh, I don’t know. This is actually quite tough. D: Um…
A: Just like my dick when it’s hard from watching Home Improvement. A: Just like my dick when it’s hard from watching Home Improvement. D: You know what?
A: My hard dick! D: That’s a really good point. Arin. A: Yo, it gets me sexually aroused-
D: Ah! A: Yo, when Tim Allen does A: (Sexually arousing noises) A: It just makes me wanna CUUUUUM! D: (Laughs) D: You sure about that? A: I’m sure. 💯% sure baby. A: Shoot dat staple gun right at my dick A: SOUND me with that STAPLE gun! A: SOUND me with that STAPLE gun!
D: (Laughs) Shut the fuck up! D: (Laughs) Shut the fuck up! D: I gotta ge- D: I gotta get the- rid of the skull with the staple gun before the ant comes. D: I gotta get the- rid of the skull with the staple gun before the ant comes.
A: IT DOES! It looks like a skull! That’s what I was thinking! A: IT DOES! It looks like a skull! That’s what I was thinking! D: It’s not skulls?
A: I think it’s just a rock D: Oh, wow I thought it was like a wall of skulls. A: But you can’t- you can’t get rid of the pl- oh you oh watch out! D: I know I can’t-
A: Yeah cause you needed to jump on it. D: I know I d- uhh. D: Hup, okay. A: Yeaaaah!
D: (Attempted sexually arousing noises) D: Secret nuts~ A: I’M GONNA GET THE NUTS A: AEUAEUHHH???? D: Oh, those are spikes!
A: Yeah. D: Jesus!
A: It’s a problem. D: and fuckin screws and nuts fly from my bodus when I- when I’m injured. A: Oh!
D: and fuckin screws and nuts fly from my bodus when I- when I’m injured. A: It’s like Sonic the Hedger! D: Yeah, b- ohh, is that right? A: Your- Your nuts are your health.
D: Yeah, b- ohh, is that right? D: Am I- am I safe as long as I have uh- a fresh pair of nuts? A: Unless you have nuts, yeah!
D: Am I- am I safe as long as I have uh- a fresh pair of nuts? D: Okay. That’s good! A: Sonic the Horgy. D: Oh GOD!
A: OH! A: They split into tiny three ones! D: Jeez. Oh. A: This is just a show!
D: Jeez. Oh. A: It’s not- it’s not real. D: Yeah- this is bizarre, man. D: I can’t fuckin deal with this shit. A: You gotta get to the end. A: We gotta see the next stage.
D: There’s n- There’s nothing funnier to me than seeing the D: There’s n- There’s nothing funnier to me than seeing the D: the Tim Allen’s face times three. D: (Laughs) the- the life thing, like “Nyeh.” D: “Whattaboutit.” A: AEUHHH???? A: AEUHHH????
A: AEUHHH???? A: AEUHHH????
A: AEUHHH????
A: AEUHHH???? D: “Fuckin three of me.” A: How are you supposed to get up there? D: I don’t know!
A: Your grapple maybe? D: Oh, fuck. D: Oh my god. D: I can’t. D: It- it can’t break through the N U T S.
A: There’s no way. A: You don’t have enough POWER. A: You don’t have the strength. You don’t have enough skill.
D: I need more power. I need more power. D: I need more power. I need more power. A: Maybe you need more-
D: Arin! D: Give me more POWER.
A: I can’t do it. A: You gotta ask the audience for more po-
D: Oh! WOAH! A: What the fuck? D: Woah. Okay, okay. D: Could I bu- A: AEUI’M SCARED???? D: How do I-
A: AEUI’M SCARED???? D: It’s hard to build up like kinetic energy. D: Uhhh, UH- A: I don’t know if it’s possible. D: Yeah I guess not- oh okay, fuck it. A: Wow, look at that! A: Dude, you can go anywhere and do anything! D: Ow, fuck! Okay.
A: Dude, you can go anywhere and do anything! A: You can see clearly now that the rain is gone. D: Take a look! It’s in a book! D: A reading rainbow. A: You can see all the obstacles in your way. D: I can go anyw- we’re- we are singing different songs. A: *DEEP BREATH* A: ♪ I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW THE RAIN IS GONE ♪ A: *SING IT ARIN* A: ♪ I CAN SEE ALL OBSTACLES IN MY WAY ♪ D: Fuck! A: When you have more power. D: How do I get more POWER Arin!? A: I don’t fucking know Dan! D: Alright, stop YELLING at me!
A: I don’t fucking know Dan! D: Alright, stop YELLING at me! A: You’re the one who was yelling first!
D: Oh! D: Okay here we go, wait I can bust through these… D: these- they look like skulls to me. A: They do, they really do.
D: They do. D: Boy, this just shoots so randomly. D: I can’t- I can’t angle it correctly. A: It looks like a happy skull. It’s like “Mhmhm” D: Yeah like “Mehh, you know. I… could be worse.” A: All skulls are happy. D: That’s true. I never thought about it like that. A: Skeletons…
D: That’s true. I never thought about it like that. D: Skelemans. A: Skeletons are hilarious dude. D: Are they really?
A: I mean, I’ve talked about it before on the show- A: I mean, I’ve talked about it before on the show- D: They scared the shit out of me when I was a kid. A: You should just jump over there and do it.
D: They scared the shit out of me when I was a kid. D: I can’t do it. A: Then why are you fuckin- why are you goin after them if you can’t even jump over there. D: Oh, I can- Oh, I can get up here and jump in it.
A: Then why are you fuckin- why are you goin after them if you can’t even jump over there. D: Oh, I can- Oh, I can get up here and jump in it. A: Can- you can run.
D: Oh, I can- Oh, I can get up here and jump in it. D: Can I run?
A: Yeah. D: Oh my god, you’re right. D: *EXERTION* Ohh god, did you see those fuckin ups Tim Allen had? A: Dude, that was crazy.
D: *EXERTION* Ohh god, did you see those fuckin ups Tim Allen had? D: That was like- I was like- D: Fuckin D: Doin my own stunts in The Santa Clause 2. A: Use your jackhammer- he- did he really? D: Oh, ye- no.
A: Use your jackhammer- he- did he really? D: Oh god there’s so many- A: (Tim Allen on a jackhammer noises) D: I can’t jackhammer my way over. D: Ohh this game is too good. /s D: Umm…
A: (Laughs) D: Alright, let me try down here. A: Yeah sure.
D: Fuck it. D: God! I can’t get- ugh! A: You gotta get a little distance.
D: God! I can’t get- ugh! A: You gotta get a little distance. D: Alright.
A: There you go. D: I need a little more distance, but then I’m off screen! A: Can you aim it or?
D: Okay. Tink~ D: No, It just kinda does what it wants. A: Yeah I guess so huh? D: Okay, fuck it. A: It’s a great game. /s D: It is good! D: Shut up!
A: It’s a great one. Hey! OH! A: (Tim Allen the Undying noises) D: (Laughs) D: I don’t know how to aim down. A: There’s no way to aim down. D: There isn’t is there? A: No. A: You gotta use your like pipe bombs or whatever. A: Are you invincible right now? D: Am I?
A: Did you get the Sonic the Hedgehog invincibility? A: Did you get the Sonic the Hedgehog invincibility? D: I did a-
A: Can you crouch jump? A: Can you crouch jump? D: No. D: I can’t even… no. D: There’s a lot I can’t do. A: (Laughs)
D: There’s a- there’s a lot that leaves- D: There’s a- there’s a lot that leaves- D: Oh there we go. A: Oh that was a close one.
D: I just kinda have to wait. D: I just kinda have to wait until it decides to shoot down.
A: (Laughs) D: That’s cool. A: Oh look at that, more rocks to blow up. A: Oh look at that, more rocks to blow up.
D: Yeah A: Isnt that a joy? A: Isnt that a joy?
D: Droppin- Dropping those candy eggs. D: Droppin- Dropping those candy eggs. A: Isn’t that a treat? D: Woah, woah! My nuts!
A: Isn’t that a treat? D: Woah, woah! My nuts! A: Get those nuts dude, yeaah. D: I got ’em, I got ’em.
A: Get those nuts dude, yeaah. D: Woah, woah!
A: Woah!! A: Where the fuck did that come from!? D: More POWER bitch. A: Yo! A: You don’t even need that thing that you got on the show. D: Yeah… Yeah, right? Fuck! What am I even looking for? A: Binford should sponsor *this* show cause this is way better. D: Binfor- Oh god that’s a straight up dinosaur. A: Yeah, well you’ve been fighting straight up dinosaurs. D: Well, you know what? I flexed. So- A: (Tim Allen’s dinosaur offspring noises) D: (Panicked Daniel noises) A: No don’t get hit! Don’t get hit! D: Ah! Oh, I got a nut. I got a nut, I’m okay. A: You didn’t get a nut dude.
D: I didn’t get enough nuts. D: I got a screw but not a nut.
A: Yeeah, got a nut p- Oh! D: Please don’t bring me back to the-
A: Yeeah, got a nut p- Oh! A: You HAVE to get past this stage!
D: Fucking beginning! Alright, no no here you try it. You try. D: Fucking beginning! Alright, no no here you try it. You try. A: Oh my god dude. D: I’m- I’m- I’m like- I’m all jittery from frustration. A: I don’t even know how to-
D: I’m- I’m- I’m like- I’m all jittery from frustration. A: Oh my god this is horrible. D: And this Vanilla Coke I’m drinking. #notsponsored A: Look, you should have been using the fuckin crackle whip. A: To break the blocks.
D: Ohh, I forgot about the crackle whip. A: Jeez. A: You don’t fuckin know jack.
D: (Enjoying pure sugar) A: You don’t know diddly dick. D: Do you still have the crackle whip when you have the nail gun? A: Ya! D: You do… holy crystal craps. A: Wow, what are you eating? D: Yeah, all kinds of sugary shit. I’m about to tweak over here. A: Crystal craps?
D: Yeah. D: Crystal Crepsi. D: Crystal Crapsi. It was the- A: Wait what the-
D: Well nevermind. A: What I can’t do the-
D: I’m just losing my mind over here. A: What the fuck? A: Why is it a grapple hook now?
D: (Consumes more diabeetus) D: I don’t- isn’t it- aren’t the controls super weird? A: Oh, oh when you’re walking it’s the-
D: Like everything keeps changing in a weird- A: it’s the- the crackle whip.
D: Ohh. D: Mkay. A: Um, okay let me just- A: Yeah, this game controls- A: Like it’s actually pretty smooth to like move around and shit, D: But then to remember like all the weird shit
A: But then all the s- yeah all the stuff that you have D: Mhm.
A: is- is just like what is it? A: Oh I see-
D: All I know is D: for a fact, that some fuckin Home Improvement speedrunner will be watching this D: and loudly complaining in the comments like D: “UHM” D: “These guys didn’t even fuckin know how to use the nail gun and the drill at the same time as the grappling hook.” D: “also…” D: “what does…” D: “it feel like… to kiss?” (Both laugh) A: “What is love? Am I love?” D: “No. Timmy. You’re not love.” A: Come on. Come on. Come on. A: Shoot it. Shoot it. Yeaaah, got it.
D: Right? Isn’t that weird? D: It’s like “Any minute now.” D: Tink tink tink tink tink tink A: This is- This is what fun is. D: (Laughs) This is- D: This feels good. This feels right.
A: If- if- A: if a robot talked to me and asked me like A: “What is fun?” I’d be like “Just play this.” D: “What is fun? Am I fun?”
A: “You’ll understand a little bit.” A: and he’s like “oh-”
D: Four crates- A: Oh do you have to collect the crates?
D: Oh is your job- you’re- D: *That’s* what you’re supposed to be doing.
A: Are you fucking kidding me? D: I didn’t know that.
A: Well did I miss a crate? D: I don’t know. D: I don’t think so, I think you would have gone for it if you had seen one. A: That’s way easier.
D: Yeah. A: (Super Star Theme) D: Smash, smash.
A: (Super Star Theme) A: (Super Star Theme) D: (Laughs)
A: (Super Star Theme) A: (Super Star Theme) A: *OH GOD NO* A: AEUAEUAEUHHH???? D: Gotta kinda make your own fun with Home Improvement. A: Yeah, really.
D: Oh there’s the crate! A: I got one crate.
D: Yeah, woah! A: Red fish, blue crate.
D: Oh god! Oh you wanna get out of there. D: Oh god! Oh you wanna get out of there. D: Don’t even try to kill him, you’ll never do it. A: I- woah woah woah!
D: Woah! Hey, who knew? A: With the fire breath.
D: Who knew? A: Ooh a crate!
D: Oh, yeah. (Laughs) D: Great! A: Dude. Great crate, dude! Great crate. D: Hey, great crate. A: *POOT* A: Got it.
D: (Laughs) A: GOT ’em. GOTTI! A: Woo!
D: In your um- in your estimation: Home Improvement. Uhh, good game, best game? D: In your um- in your estimation: Home Improvement. Uhh, good game, best game? A: Best game. D: Yeah, best game. A: I was gonna say best game before you even suggested best game. D: Cool. A: So…
D: Yeah, you were fast. You were quick on the draw with that. D: Yeah, you were fast. You were quick on the draw with that. A: Chicka chicka chicka chicka A: Oh shit!
D: Watch out! Those are- those are spikes. A: Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, gimme the bolts A: Gimme the bolts! Ohh no!
D: They may not look like- ohhh no A: No, nooOOOOOO!
D: You’re- you’re exposed- OOOOHHHH! A: YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT GARBAGE!!! D: Yeah, cause you freaked out. A: Is that- not all- ohhh thank God I spawned back here. D: You gotta- you gotta keep your cool.
A: Is that- not all- ohhh thank God I spawned back here. D: Yeah and you still have- D: the same amount of crates collected.
A: I spawn at the last crate. D: Ohhh, I never thought of that. D: Be careful.
A: Oh, come on ant. A: For fuck’s sake.
D: Oh God. Yeah. D: Woah!
A: Yeah, eat shit and die you fucking ant garbage. A: Yeah, eat shit and die you fucking ant garbage. D: You shot that thing- ohh there’s a crate up there!
A: There’s a crate! D: Oh my god. I don’t know.
A: How do I get up there? How is that- A: Ohhh.
D: Ohhh, I see it. D: I see it- woah, woah, woah.
A: (Mini panic noises) D: It’s better to just avoid those things. A: Good.
D: Yeah. D: Fuck ’em. Yeah.
A: Ah, damn it! D: Oh no! D: No, you’re okay. You can get hit one more tiiiiiime. Both: (Gun noises) A: I’m like the Terminator… A: …except I’m Tim Allen. D: (Laughs) D: (Terminator Theme) D: AEUHHH???? (Both laugh) A: (Timinator Theme) A: AEU… AEU… AEUHHH??? D: (Laughs) You’re really good at that actually. A: Yeah dude. D: Yeah… I know. A: What of it? D: I practiced all my life.
A: OH MY GOD D: You’re good, you got plenty of nuts. A: OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD
D: Ohhh you lost them all. A: No I don’t have plenty of- Ohhh no NO NO NONO
D: You lost all your nuts. A: OHH NOOO!! D: “You know, kids. You could help me collect crates, too.” A: For FUCK’s sake.
D: You know what, Arin- A: For fuck’s sake.
D: I hate to say it D: I think our Home Improvement odyssey may have come to an end. A: Ohh, dude but it’s so- A: It’s so good. No, but-
D: I know. I know. D: You wanna do one more? D: You can do one more if you want. A: Y E S D: Alright, fuck it.
A: See, it gives me another life. D: Okay. A: It gives me another- for some reason A: Last time we did it, it didn’t give us another life but for this time it did. D: No you just started the game over.
A: Last time we did it, it didn’t give us another life but for this time it did. A: No I didn’t.
D: Yeah, you don’t have anything. D: You have 500 score. A: No no no no no, I mean, yes but no. D: Yeah, and all the crates are back. A: No but, yeah I KNOW, but it- D: and you have 3 lives. A: I didn’t have to go to the title screen and go through the whole intro again. D: Game just started over. A: … A: That’s what I’m saying. D: (Laughs) A: The intro takes like 30 years. D: Ohhh, okay. Gotcha. A: Ah! Ah! A: Ah! Ah!
D: Ah! Oh. A: So fuckin floaty!
D: I know. A: (stutters) Ah! (stutters) Hams!
D: (Laughs) D: Damn these yams! D: Bless this mess! A: (Laughs) Bless this mess.
D: (Laughs) D: Fuck! Oh god. A: Give me screws.
D: Nah you gotta get those nuts! D: You don’t want the screws. A: No, the screws are good.
D: Oh screws are good? A: Yeah the screws are just nuts.
D: Ohh you lost all the screws. D: Oh you got a screw back. D: Thank God.
A: Would you die already!? D: Oh my-
A: I’m shooting nails at you! D: The g o l d e n h a m m e r A: I’m shooting nails upon your brow! D: Well, you know what? D: Dinosaurs are b-
A: DAAGH! D: Dinosaurs are big and you’d need a lot of nails to take them out. D: That makes sense. That makes sense to me.
A: Yeah. Sure. Okay. Great. Yeah, that makes sense to me too! D: GOOD! A: You know what else makes sense?
D: What? A: For you to shut the FUCK UP! D: Okay! Maybe I g- maybe I will! D: Alright. D: Shutting up now. A: No Dan please. Dan please.
D: Have fucking fun! D: (Laughs) A: Dan keep talking. Please. I need you. A: Oh no. A: Uh, welcome back to uh- Game Grumps: Just the Arins. D: Someone was telling (Laughs)
A: Ah shit. D: Someone was telling me, like one of my buds D: was saying how funny it would be if like D: Um… D: you did the 14 episodes of Chrono Trigger, that day I was sick D: and then at the very end of the 14th episode, I was just like D: “Hey man” D: and you were like “What!?” D: and I was like “Yeah, I’ve literally been here the entire time.” A: “Oh shit.” D: “When are we gonna start the episodes?” D: and you were just like “aeuhhh?” A: AEUHHH???? Both: (Home Improvement Theme outro) A: (Tim the Tazmanian Tool Man Noises) D: and then you were like “You’re not getting paid for this.” (Both laugh) D: Just something like really uncool at the end D: “PAY YOUR FUCKIN RENT BURGIE!” A: (Laughs) Yeah!
D: Like that shit. A: Eh D: Woahoah!
A: Die die die die die die die! D: Oh it’s gonna take a long time.
A: Die die die die die die die! D: Many nails.
A: Die die die die die! D: Many nails in the dinosaur.
A: Die die die die die die die! A: Wait maybe when he’s- maybe when invincible I can just walk right through him. D: You could just have jumped away, through the-
A: Oh god, oh god! D: Well, alright.
A: No no no- A: because then I would have to loop back around. D: Oh god. Yeah no we can’t have that-
A: Yeah, I don’t want that. D: Woah! A: Uh it’s a new area. D: *RALPH* A: Like a- WOAH! Secrets dude!
D: Woah! This is some Metroid shit! Yeah! A: Oh my g- LOOK AT MY CHAINSAW! D: Yeah! Dude this is about to get fuckin-
A: What the fuck!? D: it’s about to get massacre-y in here.
A: Holy God! D: Are you- you should turn it on, you should do like the (chainsaw noises) A: Well I gotta get somewhere first.
D: Oh okay. A: Can I get up there- how do I- how do I?
D: Maybe you can chainsaw your way through. D: Now that you’re a crazy fuckin chainsaw-wielding nutcase. A: Um, I don’t think so.
D: Nope. A: WOAH.
D: Woah! D: Woah, that is not what chainsaws do.
A: That is not a regular type chainsaw. D: Oh yeah you gotta- D: There you go, yup.
A: Cool, that’s way better. D: So much better. A: Dammit.
D: Okay. D: There you go.
A: I gotta like delay it a little bit. A: Okay, maybe that’ll work. A: Oh for fucking fuck’s sake! D: Yeah the ones at the ground are bitches.- A: Go dick my lick! D: (Laughs) Okay great. There we go. D: Flex it bitch. One crate left.
A: Okay cool. One crate left. D: It has to- it’s gotta be to the right.
A: Where’s the last crate? A: but… how do I get over there? D: I don’t fucking know man! This is a nightmare. It’s gotta be the grappling hook. A: but the- but wh- D: Oh yeah there it is, I just saw the crate.
A: but how do I- A: Oh my god are you serious?
D: Yeah it’s right up there. A: but how do I get over there!?
D: (exasperated) Oh my god Arin. I don’t fucking know. A: It’s impossible!
D: Yeah, they- there- they didn’t program any other part of this game. D: Yeah, they- there- they didn’t program any other part of this game. D: They just-
A: Is- is it up here? A: Is- is there a little path up he- oh there is! A: Oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh no!
D: Yeah, they we’re banking on the fact that no one would wanna play Home Improvement beyond 8 minutes. A: Ah fuck! A: Oh my god! I’m so close! A: Noo!
D: Nah, not really. A: Yes! Ah shit! (Laughs)
D: Yeah! There we- aww, alright. A: (Laughs) Damn it!
D: (Laughs) A: Tim Allen!
D: Yeah. D: You’re crazy Tim Allen! A: (Tiny Tim noise) D: Yeah! (Laughs) D: Oh god! More dinosaurs!
A: I’ve done it! I’ve done it! D: To kill with chainsaws! A: Ah. Oh shit! But I- ah but I gotta get him!
D: No, don’t worry about him. Don’t die! You’re gonna die. D: You don’t. A: I- I do!
D: You have n- he has nothing to do with anything. A: Oh no, oh no! Ho no! Ho no! Oh no! A: Oh, come on with the fuckin this shit! D: Where he at? Where he at? There he go!
A: That’s so unfair! D: Oh woah! So many ants!
A: Yeaah! Fuck you ants! A: YEAAAHH! I got the crates! Woo! Woo!
D: (clapping) A: Look at all these screws I’m gettin! Oh they’re throwing screws at me left and right!
D: Oh man! This would- A: This would kill me. I would be dead.
D: It’s- yeah, yeah- D: This is a straight up nut party. A: I’d be a deadman. D: and not the kind of nut party you’ll find if you look it up on Google search images A: and- and it may or may not be A: a tall, lanky man A: with- with curly hair. Slightly jewish looking.
D: Yeah, yeah. A: Named Dan. In the picture.
D: Named Nathaniel. Flavidan. A: (Laughing) Fla- na- Nathaniel Flavidan?
D: Yeah! D: I’ve seen that guy around. D: He’s sexy. (Laughs)
A: (Laughs) A: He gives me lots and lots of penis girth.
D: WOAH! A: Hey, wo- OOOOKAY.
D: Oh, OOOHHH. Fuck. A: Alright, fine.
D: Alright. A: (stammering) I wanna see what the next stage is, but apparently I have-
D: You’re there! It looks shockingly like the first stage. A: Yeah, but I know there’s like ano- it’s like “Oh, we gotta go on the Home Shopping Network channel now.” A: Instead of the- it can’t *all* be dinosaurs!
D: Now that we’ve fought the dinosaurs? D: I don’t know it could be dinosaurs.
A: You think the whole thing is dinosaurs? D: I think the whole thing is different sets on like the Warner Brothers lot.
A: Well that’s what I’m saying, like what are the other sets? D: So it’s probably like, fuckin… one in Paris, one in like Jaws like an ocean… kind of thing-
A: Like film noir? D: It’s Tim Allen in various settings! We could just have Matt photoshop- D: In fact, Matt and Ryan, please photoshop Tim Allen in various settings. Thank you. A: Ooh wow that one’s nice. Oh what about that- ooh yeah. Ooh yeah nice!
D: Oh. Oh wow, Japan! Watch out for Godzilla! A: That’s not Godzilla he’s a… plant.
D: Okay. D: No, no I was say- I was saying in the things that Matt and Ryan were doing.
A: I am so weak! Oh I didn’t- D: Meanwhile, probably just to spite me they put him in medieval times fighting King Kong.
A: (Laughs) D: Just to make me look like a asshole.
A: (Laughs) D: I know what you’re up to Matt and Ryan. A: You make me look like a asshole.
D: You cock smokers. A: You are a asshole.
D: (Laughs) D: You *is* a asshole.
A: Oh shit, yeah! D: I didn’t think I’d have to correct your grammar on the show but here we are. A: (Laughs) Look it’s ‘is’ not o- ‘are’. It’s- wait hold on- D: Oh, oh, oh, oh, OH. This looks just gross to me.
A: Oh it’s mu- it’s mucky goop, dude! A: It’s mucky goop.
D: Yeah. It’s goopy muck muck. A: Is that a dead- a dead- de- dead area?
D: Ooh a POWER up. D: Do you feel powerful? A: N O D: Okay. A: I feel inept and unable.
D: (Laughs) D: Great!
A: I feel- I feel crippled! A: from my- my lack on anything in this game.
D: Do think Tim Allen likes this game? A: Kill, kill, kill.
D: Do think Tim Allen likes this game? A: Oh yeah. I’m sure he fuckin A: brought it home to his kids and was like “Check me out!” A: Uh oh I’m gonna die if he hits me.
D: and they were like “Ugh.” A: “I hate this. I hate this, this game is AWFUL.”
D: Yeah. (Laughs) D: Do you think like- he was like “Jesus fucking Christ this game sucks.” D: and his kids ran into the room with a towel and a- and a spray bottle and were just like D: “It’s okay dad.” D: (spray bottle noises) D: I think so. I like to think that’s what happened. A: Wait, I’m at the mercy of the audience that [sic] what happened.
D: Where’s Wilson? D: Where’s neighbor Wilson? A: This isn’t about his home life dude, it’s about Tool Time- IT BROUGHT ME BACK TO 1-1! D: My name is neighbor Wilson and I’m here to say- (Laughing) Nevermind. Alright! Next time on Game Grumps! D: Mo- uh, less of this, more of everything else.
A: Holy dick. A: HOLY dick.
D: There might be some holy dick next time on Game Grumps. D: You’ll never know unless you tune in.
A: Holy fuckin dick D: See you then everybody!
A: ALL the way back. A: To stage 1-1.
D: Buh-bye! A: Fuck it. D: Hey Arin, if you could sum this game up in one word what would it be? A: Suckmydick. D: Huh, thought it was gonna be aeuhhh??? but, you know what? D: Suckmydick said really fast into one word is just fine. D: I’ll allow it. A: AEUHHH???? D: THERE it is!
A: AEUHHH???? D: (Home Improvement Theme outro) D: Suckmydick. (Both laugh) A: Home Improvement has been canceled. D: (Laughs)

18 thoughts on “Home Improvement: Power Tool Pursuit – Game Grumps

  1. 2 years late to this and all but season one it was Pam Anderson, from then on it was Debbie Dunning (who imo is hotter). The more u know. Lol

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