How to make Norwegian Black Metal

How to make Norwegian Black Metal


do you want to stand out in high school
worship Satan and turn your D&D roleplay videos into music videos do you want to
look like a cute mall Panda does your local church look a bit cold to you then
I got the genre for you: Norwegian Black Metal Let’s worship Satan while we eat goat cheese. Norwegian black metal is what would
happen if a Scandinavian teenager had more absinthe than blood in his system it’s
basically a bunch of guys who are trying to express their anger while having no
idea how to record or play their instruments a lot of it sounds like
basement recording and a cheap cassette with no sense of balance, which most of it was by the way the genre takes both inspiration from thrash metal and death
metal then drown it in cave reverb and vocal speaks higher than your average
frog but first you have to understand Norway
it’s a filthy overpopulated place filled with politeness bright clothes and a
refusal that fascism was rather accepted back in World War two then the 90s
happened everything was dark, miserable plenty of earned burned churches and
radio music sound like this: NO PLEASE STOP! So blackmail came out as a response to the
traditional Christian values by the Norwegian culture completely ignoring
the Norwegian punk movement that happened at the same time by the way
most of the members had their own cults like the black inner circle where edgy
teenagers would hang out in a record shop. “Well, it’s nice to see you, but…” “No! Let’s listens to more demo tapes, right?” The group’s goal was to voice their anti-christian values and hatred for humanity by trying to conquer Norway with
evil as evil conquered Norway? I guess. Anyway, it got to the point where everyone tried to
out evil each other in the jerk-off circle this includes vandalism Church burning
killing each other and killing that killer to prove they’re more evil most
famous one was Varg Vikernes who was part of the church burning and stabbed
someone in the head that’s one way to make a unicorn I guess then most of them were
arrested for various crimes including satanic decorations explosives and no
sense of regret for what they did and for one brief moment Norway was
interesting but now the Norwegian black metal community actually makes music and
is now dominated by edgy teens joking about church burning You win some, you lose some I guess. Actually, I wonder what Vard Vikernes is doing these days… * Types normally for once * Let’s find out! Ah, he’s making
WatchMojo content but somehow more racists how do you even manage that
anyway let’s talk about something more fun the fun fact one time a band called
mayhem was staying at a cabin writing songs and they all hated each other then
a band member “Dead” killed himself with a shotgun to live up
to his nickname he left a suicide note saying sorry for the blood Cheers
along with an apology for finding a shotgun indoors Euronymous was the one
who discovered the suicide scene but instead of calling the ambulance like a
normal person he ran to the store bought a camera and took some photos
he even rearranged the scene like placing the shotgun more in frame
then he took fragments of the skulls turned him into pretty necklaces and
sent them to various members of the metal community the suicide photo was
used as an album cover on one of their bootleg albums we have fun here now what is the difference between
Norwegian black metal and regular black metal hmm basically it’s black metal
made in Norway and that’s it it’s just branding really so the biggest
step is to be Norwegian Well, that was easy! but first let’s talk about being TRVE KVLT yes it’s
spelled like that no I don’t know why TRVE CVLT or as we say in Norway “true kult”
is a positive way of describing underground black metal
it’s basically modern-day black metal hipster slang so you’re not KVLT
one has heard of you it’s also a way of saying cool like dude there was so KVLT
like gnarly tones and you’re unpronounceable name it’s so mmh! KVLT a
cool way of describing sound album art limited edition black metal vinyls and
impending doom you feel when a record label wants to sign you so let’s talk
about how to make your black metal very KVLT as fuck! By the way, if you’re a real cultist this does not apply to you. just like pop music
black metal is all about fashion music is optional the essential fashion choice
is black on black with panda makeup and spikes the spikes create a lot of
accidental death via group hugs the black metal makeup is inspired by kiss
and that one-time Slayer put on eyeliner but every black male band
tries to make it their own by adding different shapes and drips on them it’s
like playing shapes and colors with kids you know find the right shape for your
face Billy! Andreas! What? Do you have any money? For makeup? It’s for the Black Metal thing. I’m trying to pay down my student debt and makeup is just super expensive dangit! I’m keeping this! Album cover make it look like an Old Norse painting and
throw in some trees birches love them some trees or just take a photo of
yourself making a face make it black and white then boost a threshold if not just
gonna photo yourself making the most Awkward pose you can think of I call this one… THV CRVB! band names just call yourself after some
dark fancy place preferably Lord of the rings seriously Norwegians have a
massive hard-on for Tolkien or something evil and related to winter also give
yourself an edgy name and call it a day why call yourself Ola Norman Magnesen
when it can be known as DEAD MAN the EVIL but now the most important part
music videos buy an antique VHS camera and film yourself dicking around in the forest
while pretending someone will take this seriously optionally film it in winter
and now for the most optional part the music all you need is the band standard
guitar drums bass screamer and goat The goat is for later
guitar some black fellows sounds like crap they use a lot of cheap solid state
combo amps so all you have to do is lower the bass and throw in some reverb
you know that joke that punk rock only uses three chords well black male only
uses two chords take that anarchist! Just go half step up or half step down done
tremolo picking is built into the genre so learned to masturbate furiously and
you’ll be a master in no time feel free to throw in some long chords broken
chords and some groovy chords if you want an easy mode guitar scale
harmonic minor or freaky and dominant is KVLT enough bass surprisingly bass
actually does something more than just exists bass players didn’t really
care about tone so just throw on a distortion pedal play random notes and
hope no one notices your mistake vocals scream like an aggressive cat or like
you got kicked in the balls Drums: It’s either all blast speed speed or find the
nearest Norwegian pop band but can you do blast speed in 6/8 I don’t think so
but it’s gonna be loud and full of reverb so a few people will notice your
mistakes the sloppier the more cults but the best
part is that you don’t need a lot of cymbals just high hat, ride, and one or
two crashes overuse the hi-hat and ride until they break and now for something
really optional synth Oh yeah! Nonono, don’t play those Church chords have you forgotten who our
enemies are stop it most synth players barely play
more than one note at a time they just play one note to add a simple sustaining
drone to the song so just play one note and you’re settled Perfect and now for the goat
that’s for decoration Norwegian blackmail is not just above fashion but
also stage presence the stage is your canvas gallons of pig blood is your
paint and you are the paintbrush * Basically arts & craft * Norwegian black metal is like theatre
production, so decorate the stage with your heart’s desire to make it come to
life and maybe play some music just remember that your roadies are gonna
hate you and now for the even more least important part have you heard of satan because black
metal artists sure has you can also take inspiration from Lovecraft, Poe, D&D,
Barney the dinosaur all equally dark influences make sure to sing about
castles sacrifices Satan demon family values and Satan but don’t you ever
forget about Satan but also remember rhyming is optional the important thing
is that the lyrics are overly story-driven and full of DaRk ImAgErY huhu,
I’m so KVLT so just tell a weird horror story about Satan or something
pretend you’re a narrator DIY Lord of the Rings short film with all the same
quality as your music videos! Optionally make it more verbose so just copy each
word into thesaurus.com replace it with something more fancy and you got
instant blackmetal lyrics I think I accidentally wrote an immortal
song oh well back in the day they couldn’t afford fancy-schmancy recording
stuff do you think edgey teens who devote their life to Satan and arson has any
money what they would mostly do is just get a cassette recorder place it in the
middle of band practice and call it a day the cassette became a popular
aesthetic for the black metal sound even modern black etal artists spend more
time making their mix sound vintage rather than good we’re gonna show you
how to make black male like a normal person and then show you how to make it
sound like crap or as the kids call it TRVE KVLT set your project to around 220
ppm in 6/8 for the most evil rhythm load up your drum minion and get a drum set
with a clicky kick and some nice reverb get at least three types of drum
patterns and copy/paste your drum patterns are blastbeats
groove things and dinging ding you see it goes ding-ding-ding load up your
guitar with a distortion pedal or 20 set the low and mid down in the high
impressions to 11 then add some reverb on them birches love reverb bass can exist
don’t forget the distortion when adding vocals and a bit of gain and delay on it
when mixing make sure the cave is neat and comfy now to get that cassette
effect add your most evil EQ on the master track cut out the bass in a bit
of the top optionally add your fancy synth now let’s see how KVLT this became: NIGHTSWORD Scary Night My lord Satan An eternity of scary planets Nobody knows how big, or old you are But you have good taste in music, at least. O my lord Satan So big and powerful you’ve become Now will Nattesverd taste you My lord congratulations you’re now a TRVE KVLT
underground Norwegian arsonist now press some cassettes tapes and some
vinyls and don’t tell anyone you exist you can’t let people know you exist then
you’re not KVLT anymore ButI wanna share my music! no you can’t the end or booster

100 thoughts on “How to make Norwegian Black Metal

  1. You mean how do these wanna be satanic bands try to look and sound evil? Simple..profanity.curse Jesus.religion.God.violence and animal torture.these are lame acts that just there to scare people..to just look badass..evil and tough..cus here to be metal..u need to pretend youre evil and duh..worship Satan?!.its all just image..just to sell..U need to be evil looking so your records wud sell 4 that macho tough evil sounding..hey look were Satanists..were badass and violent..and u wud go like..Yeah thats metal! NO DUDE thats just plain shallow n lame..these groups are just here 4 the attention and fad cus everyone in Norway is doing it..so y dont we? If you really are "evil"youd not be an artist..yud be in prison..having killed someone or murdered a family for real..Now that is Evil!!!!

  2. you can't be true norwegian black metal if you don't accidentally get lost in a forest at least once, while recording a music video with a toaster

  3. The reason it's spelled trve kvlt is because u and v were the same letter until the late middle ages, when they were first differantiated in the Gothic alphabet. My guess is, since kvlt people want to return to the pagan days, they attempt to return to the way it would have been spelled in the 11th century. Just a guess though

  4. Even after watching you systematically describe why most black metal is derivative…. I fucking love your song at the end. Fuck you for being so talented. I know you're mocking my music taste and I still love it so thanks for making me feel like a plebe you crazy norse bastard; I am your timeless dreadful lad.

  5. Legit not even joking do you have a band? If not make a band because you actually sound good
    I’d be your number one fan I’d buy everything record

  6. There is only one band that sounds more evil and it is more cold then all norwegian black metal bands together:
    Impaled Northen Moonforest!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COGLR7RM0Ys

  7. "Smoking indoors" made me laugh out loud for real. Thanks, YT recommendation system for bringing me here! (Also, the finished track actually SLAPS, hahah)

  8. How to make norwegian black metal? The best way to make it is too not make it!(if you have respect for mayhem,burzum,darkthrone) Black metal wasnt supposed to be such a hype in my opinion black metal was actually brought to life to be 'anti metal' and be everything metal was not

  9. I did go to Norway and asked the folks at Noseblod records to give me some serious blast beats and they got me Whoredom Rife, it's 4 song album, 2 songs of which only feature triplets blast beats and the others don't and that's all there is to say about this cause it's so well designed to fit within what you expect norwegian black metal that it ends up locking creativity in the same patterns. Your song is actually better !

  10. Actually if you really look half of or most of black metal has little to nothing to do with satan. It’s mostly just darkness and anger. With the occasional ocultist comment. It was really only the OG Norwegian bands that do the satan thing (well then and a lot of really really underground bands). So for you people that wanna check it out but don’t like the satan stuff like me. A lot of it isn’t satanic

  11. Danish Black Metal is Norwegian Black Metal but nobody understands the vocalist because he sounds like he’s choking to death.

  12. The lyrics are too audible IMO. I know they are typically in Norwegian but I can never make out a single word of Burzum, Mayhem, etc. even with the original text in front of me. Which isn't the case for harsh vocals in languages I don't speak outside of Black metal and a few other extreme metal genres. You were enunciating very well and Henry Higgins would have been proud of you.

  13. If you prefer french black metal you do exactly as norweigan black metal but with a rat in your microphone instead of burning churches. You also have to tell your only for-five fans you recorded it in a medieval castle.

  14. I spilled my coffee on my laptop by laughing. It took me a couple hours to clean everything. I was planning to change the termal paste and that became a great excuse. Im not sure if i should thank you.

  15. That moment when you're a fan of Norwegian Black Metal so you're laughing real hard at this video because it's fucking correct but you're also pissed because it's fucking correct. I don't not want to take myself too seriously.

  16. 0:17 Видос норвежский блэк метал, а играет австрийский Belphegor, если я не ошибаюсь

  17. I can not tell you how much I cringed when I saw the notation for the Harmonic Minor and Phrygian Dominant scales. I can let the tabs slide cause I know its just tuned down a step but god dammit it hurts my eyes to see you go from notes like C to C# instead of C to Db in a non chromatic context .

  18. By the way/(forresten), one interesting thing is how if you don't want anyone to listen to your band why include englih lyrics at all? It makes it all so… urgh accessible.

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