The ‘Home Improvement’ When Jonathan Taylor Thomas Had A Cancer Scare

The ‘Home Improvement’ When Jonathan Taylor Thomas Had A Cancer Scare

– [Host] Tim’s got a
hankerin’ for merengue. Jill says it ain’t merengue
time ’til after dinner, but as soon as she takes
the kids to the doctor, merengue o’clock, bitches. And Tim had time to eat
the whole merengue shebang, because the docs did bonus
blood work on Randy to determine what makes him so darn cute, and also why he’s been tired lately. Jill tells Randy to beat
it, and with Randy upstairs doing just that, Jill tells
Tim the doctors felt something in Randy’s neck. Then they sent him down the
hall to another neck-toucher, who detected a lump on his thyroid, and it could be malignant. Or it could be an easily
treated hyperactive thyroid. A pill a day keeps the reaper away. Tim reacts to this grave news. – (grunts) Boy… so it’s either a lump or hypo-thigh master? (audience laughs) – With his most sensitive schtick. Best case scenario, it’s
a goiter, and you know it’s a rough day when
you’re prayin’ for a goiter. Tim wonders why Jill didn’t
call him to the hospital to mispronounce more
life-threatening medical terms. She didn’t want to alert
Randy to the possibility that he might not make it to season six. Jill loses it. Her son could have cancer. Her cutest son could have cancer. Then again, it might be a goiter. – And we want a goiter? – Yes, we want a goiter. – Nothin’ like a good goiter goof to take that cancer edge off. The test results won’t
be in until tomorrow. – Just hope those tests
come out provin’ that, um– The laundry detergent does
get our brights brighter and our whites whiter. (audience laughs) – Brad leaves to write
his acceptance speech for the Bozo Haircut Hall of Fame. Jill cooked Randy a huge
breakfast so he’ll have plenty to work with when this news
scares the shit out of him. But when Brad walks in
on the unusual a.m. feast and his parents talking strange AGAIN, he knows something’s up. – We usually get burnt
toast and mushy bananas. (audience laughs) – It’s our anniversary. – Your anniversary was two months ago. (audience laughs) – This is the anniversary… of the first time we had eggs. – Brad buys it, because evidently, his barber jammed these
scissors into his brain to finish the job of
ruining his whole head area. Jill realizes her biopsy Benedicts and strawberry chemo
cakes will trip Randy’s “uh the fuck is up?” alarm. Into the trash they go. Randy wants to know why she’s
junkin’ all the yum yums. Because Tim’s taking Randy
to breakfast, of course, which makes no damn sense. Then they’re goin’ to the arcade, which makes even less sense. – Well, I’ll be late for history. – Tim tells Randy to get in the car before he becomes history. No school, mortal combat, best day ever. – You know, if I didn’t know
better, I’d think I was dyin’. (audience laughs) That was a joke, guys. (audience laughs) – It was a joke. I didn’t get it at
first, but I just got it. I got it. Tell your mom, make sure she got it. (audience laughs) – Ha ha ha, it’s funny
because he might actually be dying of cancer. Detective Genius Junior inquires
if this has anything to do with yesterday’s parade of
throat-squeezing doctors, who silently took his blood for hours. Jill explains it might be
a goiter, a.k.a. nothing. – Then why don’t they call it
nothing instead of a goiter? – Well, they’re not
exactly the same thing. I mean, you couldn’t say, Tigers eight, Yankees goiter. (audience laughs) – Maybe Tim shouldn’t be a part of these conversations,
but if it’s not a goiter, it could be a hyperactive thyroid, treated daily with a pill. – A very small one. – But there’s a small chance– – A very small chance. – He might have a lump that needs removal. – So I’d need an operation? – A very small one. (audience laughs) – Would I have a scar? – A very small one. – But Tim’s not done schticking it to his maybe-dying son. – Dr. Kaufman is going
to call by 6:00 tonight. – She’s a very small doctor. – If laughter’s the best medicine, this kid’s a goner. Randy heads to school with
his parents having fully avoided the C word, comedy. Jill is talking to free-range Wilson. She remembers when baby Randy had colic. It was the first time Tim met Wilson. Come for the cancer, stay for the Wilson
origin story flashback. Baby Randy is colic crying Tim’s ear off. Wilson, a man Tim has
never encountered before, offers a murky homemade remedy. So Tim takes a Mason jar of mystery liquid from a guy he’s never met, and could not identify
in a police lineup later, and rubs that crap on
his infant son’s stomach. This might also be the origin
story of Randy’s illness. Thanks for the midnight baby belly jam. Peace. Jill is hounding the doctor’s office when Brad comes home solo. Randy was supposed to
meet him after school, but didn’t show, because he’d literally rather die than be seen with Brad’s noggin. Jill sends Tim a son huntin’. Tim finds Randy hiding in Terminator two. He says Randy knows better
than to keep secrets from his parents. Randy says, guess now
we’re even, dickless, because they neglected to fill him in on some rather crucial info nuggets. – Like I might have cancer? – He read about it on
the computer at school. – It said that sometimes these
kinda lumps can be malignant. – Super fun sentence while you’re getting
quarters for skee ball. Tim says they only lied to
his face so he wouldn’t spaz, like he is currently spazzing. Randy says that meant he
had to read about it alone in the library on dial-up internet. It took fuckin’ forever
to read about his cancer. Tim agrees this is scary, but it’s still not as
horrific as Brad’s hair. – I don’t wanna die, Dad. – Oh come on, man, you’re not gonna die. Even if you had cancer, which you don’t, you do not have that, it’s a treatable kind, okay? – Wait, how can you
definitely not have something, but if you do have it, it’s treatable? Tim’s either lying to his
son, or stupid, or both. It’s both. The fam’s forcing Randy to
play Scrabble while they wait. So if cancer doesn’t
kill him, boredom will. Ring ring. J T T is cancer free. Randy does have a hyperactive thyroid, which means a pill every day,
but that’s easy to swallow compared to his dad’s material. Tim does some staircase
goiter schtick for the road. – My young son, the goiter. And then I can buy you a goiter belt. – And Jill has another
flashback, extra fuzzy, that turns into a highlight reel of J T T’s many forgettable performances. So what did we learn today? If your son might be dying of cancer, don’t let him figure it
out alone in a library on dial-up internet, you monsters. And everyone winds up sick
with something in this life. If you only have to take a
daily pill, that’s a win. And if you really love your family, you don’t hide medical secrets from them, or eat an entire merengue to yourself. Hard to say which is more shameful. And comedy is a powerful tool to cope with life’s most difficult moments. But if your shit’s weak… maybe shut the fuck up, Tim. See ya next time on
A Very Special Episode.

100 thoughts on “The ‘Home Improvement’ When Jonathan Taylor Thomas Had A Cancer Scare

  1. Previously on A Very Special Episode: The 'Full House' when D.J. helped an Alzheimer's patient escape a nursing home

  2. My ex had thyroid issues. She opted outta the pills for a surgery, and ended up putting on some weigh. It all went to the best places XD

  3. I remember I was in love with Randy and I would rather see him dead than with another girl. Now I realize I am a psychopath.

  4. I shit you not, there is a kid at my college with that EXACT haircut. Every time I see him I cringe!

  5. I like the part where Tim wants to take his son to an arcade before school as if there's been an arcade in history that was ever open at that time of day.

  6. I don't think library computers had dial up or internet in the 90's, so him looking it up seems highly improbable. Every computer I ever saw had a Black screen with orange letters. where you had to type 1-10 to determine which card catalogue you wanted to look in and go from there, so it was an intranet not internet. And even if you knew which one to look at you still couldn't find out anything.
    Since I am from Oregon there where some computers that just had the Oregon Trail games.

  7. Yeah : i remember the episodes of the classic television show, home improvement.
    Tim the tool 🚏man tailor

  8. Okay they need to do their research on Thyroid cancer and removing a Thyroid. One you get more then just some doctor feeling around your neck and taking blood test. To find out if it’s cancerous they have to stick a long needle in your neck. Then take a scan on your neck to see how big the Thyroid bubbles are. And if you do or don’t have cancer the bubbles or even the Thyroid has to be removed and the surgery can take up to 2 or 5 hours. Depending on whether the how big the bubbles had gotten before the surgery. Afterwards when you wake up you are in a lot of pain and takes two weeks to recover, so no school or work. Then the prose your body is going to go through. You are at risk of a stroke or heart attache, you suffer from depression and anger issues which can make you suicidal, mental issues like schizophrenia. Also blood pressure problems and heart problems, panic attack’s and anxiety attacks. The pill can either help you or kill you, a large dosage level can very dangers and allows your lake of thyroid to take control of your body which leads to anger to a point where you can have a stroke, so the dosage level changes every time you see the doctor. You have constant mood swings and fatigue. Which also causes you to have sleep problems. You have a long list of doctors you have to see every 2 weeks or once a month. And it can never be cured of the side effects of this, it goes on for the rest of your life.

  9. I had thyroid cancer in 2012. It was in my lymph nodes and I had to have radiation. I still find this video funny.
    But I want to clarify that the treatment for hyperthyroidism (too much thyroid hormone) is NOT a pill. You have to take radioactive iodine capsules and remain radioactive for 12 days. Usually, this ends up overdoing the treatment and the person ends up hypothyroid (too little.) Then they spend the rest of their lives on daily thyroid meds.

  10. Remember that episode when one of them (I think it was also JTT) befriends an elderly lady at a nursing home, then has an existential crisis when she dies and doesn't want to go to church anymore?

  11. I’ve been binging these since seasons one episode 1 … this show was the best out of all of them! Great acting hence why they showed the most scenes in this episode of the actual episode. Awesome

  12. Please everyone look into all the cocaine related charges Tim Allen got hit with before he became a comedian and how he snitched his way out and became a famous tv personality. It’s crazy. Fuck Tim Allen

  13. Fun factoid- jtt was recording "Lion King" at the time….and the gay rumors were beginning……hence the possible exit storylines.

  14. I had a lump on my neck that I avoided for 2 years. It got bigger but I still ignored it till I went to the emergency bc I had hard time breathing thinking I mustve needed an inhaler but actually I needed chemotherapy for a stage 4 cancer🤣that was quite a turn.

  15. He shits on this episode, but I remember it well. Tim Allen did tell some stupid jokes, but that's what Dads do sometimes. There were a lot of good scenes in that episode, one of the series best.

  16. This actually happened to me, I had thyroid cancer, had to get 2 surgeries, and now I’m committed to a tiny pill every morning

  17. Only one pill for hyperthyroidism? I think that's only for hypothyroidism. They usually nook your hyper thyroid with radioactive iodine or just take it out altogether. Well, what do I know?

  18. Thyroid cancer sucks. They say if you get cancer, that’s the one to get… Survival rate is good but the side affects are crap.

  19. Without any doubt, this was the worst sitcom ever to appear on American television. Tim Allen was never funny. The whole program was a disaster. If anyone ever laughed at Allen, it was because he is such a moron.

  20. Cancer's a pretty tough thing for me to talk about. It's like this for a lot of people. In my case and for so many other people, it's something we don't want to think about happening to ourselves or someone we care about. It's good to know Randy does not have cancer. Childhood cancer is something I wouldn't even wish on my worst enemy. Home Improvement was one of the best shows of the 90s. You learned a lot about life and the wisest character on the show was Wilson.

  21. People actually found this shit funny?? Humans were little more than neanderthals, even this recently, this is just so painfully manipulative and phony and unfunny and in the end their most attractive kid isn't even made to suffer the indignity of a goiter marring his bland teen idol white boy "appeal"…

  22. How did we ever watch all of these terrible sitcoms for so long as if they were the greatest shit on tv?
    If I could, I’d kick the shit out of young me… don’t lie – if you remember watching these when they aired, you remember loving that shit!🤭
    Jesus, it’s a mindfuck… come a long way from waiting excitedly & making plans all week for friends to come over and enjoy fucking TGIF 😂

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