Tim Allen Grunts up a Storm at Rodney’s Place (1989)

Tim Allen Grunts up a Storm at Rodney’s Place (1989)


(audience cheering) – Here’s a funny guy, comes from Detroit. (man yelling) (audience laughing) Detroit’s a great place. (audience laughing) If you need plugs and points. (audience laughing) But he comes from a family of nine. I guess his mother didn’t feel,
eight was enough, you know. (audience laughing) All right, give it up now for Tim Allen. Okay, here we go, all right Tim. Here we go baby, all right. (audience clapping and cheering) – All right. Thank you very much. Very nice to be here. I just got home seen all my brothers. Seven of them, two sisters,
what a bunch of pigs. (audience laughing) Right? Men are pigs, right ladies? – [Women] Yeah. – Yeah! Yeah right. (men booing) Eh just too bad we own
everything. (laughing) (audience laughing) I’m kidding, I’m kidding. My mom always called us pigs, boy. Seven boys, you little pigs. You little red butted monkey little pigs. (audience laughing) All you do is shit and
eat, that’s all you do. (audience laughing) She said don’t even bother speaking, just grunt like the pigs you are. (playful grunting) She said all men need are three things. (playful grunting) (playful grunting) (playful grunting) (audience laughing) (playful grunting) You don’t think your own man grunts? Give ’em a steak, honey you like that? (playful grunting) (audience laughing) (playful grunting) (audience laughing) You want the butter or the salt? (playful grunting)
(audience laughing) She told us the only reason men are alive are for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. (laughing)
(audience laughing) It’s true. I got a lawn tractor. I got a big John Deer
160, thank you, yeah. (audience cheering) Yeah! Yeah, 11 horse, twin cylinder,
hydrostatic drive, yeah. (audience laughing) 42 inch blade, rear bagger, yeah. (playful grunting) Oh yeah. (audience laughing) It’s got headlights in case
I want to mow the fucker at night for some reason, I
don’t know why they’re on there. (audience laughing) They deliver it and all
my neighbors are like, flies on maneuver. I’ve got eight grown men standing around. (playful grunting) Oh yeah, look at that. (playful grunting) (audience laughing) And I understood them
and that bothered me. (audience laughing) My mother said men aren’t men until they can find their way to Sears. ‘Cause I love Sears, oh yeah. That Craftsman tool department. (playful grunting) I walk in there, my nipples get rock hard. (playful grunting)
(audience laughing) I can buy stuff I don’t need now so I bought a gear puller. I have no god damn idea
what that thing is. (audience laughing) But it looks good on my pegboard, that’s all I care about. (playful grunting) That’s all men care
about is a full pegboard of shit you’ll never use. Oh yeah. (playful grunting) I get in the most trouble
though getting home watching that Home Shopping club. Boy they got tools from
hell coming on there, tools from hell. The guy came on and
said, eliminate the worry of sharpening scissors at home. Oh. (audience laughing) Forget about Ethiopia for a minute, here’s a major god damn problem. (audience laughing) Well I ordered the red
2000 power home sharpener. Six to eight weeks
later it showed up, UPS. (whooshing) (playful grunting) We smell each other’s
butts, he comes on in. (audience laughing)
Yeah. It’s the best way to know a man. My dog taught me that. (audience laughing) I never know how to open those boxes. What do you do with all that styrofoam, that packing, that popcorn? I save it, yeah. (playful grunting) (audience laughing) I bring it out late fourth
quarter, football games. No one knows what they’re
eating anyway, yeah. (audience laughing and clapping) I got tools to fix tools. Every god damn tool they make. And plenty of duct tape. (audience laughing) You’ve got to have duct tape. If you can’t fix it, duct it. (audience laughing)
That’s what I do. That some assembly
requirement will hurt ya. My mom gave me a grill
this year, a gas grill. My birthday, a 7 m/16, you’ve
seen it, double burner. (playful grunting) It look like a car bomb in that box. (grunts)
(audience laughing) Well I built it. But I still had a big bag of real important looking shit left over. (audience laughing) Gotta think safety first. Honey, why don’t you
try the grill out first? (audience laughing) (laughing) You should have seen the flame fly off of
that thing. (whooshing) (audience laughing)
(yelling) Honey stop running around! You’re making the flames
grow on your head there! You know this must be a
fuel regulator of some sort. (audience laughing) I don’t think they’re suppose to spray in the hair like that. (audience laughing) Guess I don’t need to tell you about that, though, do I hon? You come on in, I’ve got some Sav. That’ll all grow back, give it some time. She’s always pissed. (audience laughing) But she buys me things
I love, she loves me. She got me that big cowhide tool belt. Ever had? (playful grunting) Two cordless drills hanging low. (audience laughing) (playful grunting) Workmen always wearing
them around your house making their butt crack show. Ever seen that? (audience laughing) Hey Pete, get that butt crack outta here. (audience laughing) I got kids eating food in this house. Now get that butt crack outta here. I got that, I’m like a
modern day gun slinger walking around, cha ching,
cha ching, cha ching. Come on bitch, break something. (audience laughing) (playful grunting) She’s always pissed. She’s always mad. You breathe, you make a woman mad. I just come out of that
shop, show her something. (playful grunting) Did you walk on that floor? (playful grunting)
(audience laughing) That woman saw me walk
on that god damn floor. She’s just giving me a
chance to lie to her. Women like to do that. (audience laughing) Don’t look at me like that. Did you walk on the god damn floor? (playful grunting)
(audience laughing) Just a little, over there, maybe. I just cleaned the floor, look at it! (playful grunting) You clean that floor for once. Pull out that hose. This ain’t so tough, god damn it. (audience laughing) Everywhere you go, you
make the house dirty! (playful grunting) Yeah? That’s how I mark territory.
(playful grunting) (audience laughing) Better than peeing on the couch. (audience laughing) You’re home during the day, why don’t you clean the house for once! (playful grunting) There’s some jobs you gotta do better ’cause you do ’em like a man. Dusting, I hate dusting. You pull out that bric-a-brac. (coughing) Gotta better way to dust. You just duct tape the small shit down. (audience laughing) Fire up that leaf blower. (whirring) (audience laughing) (playful grunting) But stay out of that laundry room if you don’t know what you’re doing! I made about three grand worth of Barbie clothes in one weekend. (audience laughing) Did you do the laundry like I asked? Uh yeah. (playful grunting) I got it all to fit in
this little cup too. Look at that. (audience laughing) Look at clean the comforter
came out, look at that. (playful grunting)
(audience laughing) One thing. Men. (playful grunting) One thing I love about
men is morning boners. I can’t take those things. (audience laughing) What is it with that little boner that’s up a little before you, huh? Six, seven, eight o’clock in the morning. (yawning) What the hell’s that all about? (triumphant yelling) (audience laughing) (playful grunting) (audience cheering) What are ya gonna do? My dad, he always called
it, morning stiffness boys. (audience laughing) Big ‘ole hooter on him,
walk by with a towel on it. Shower time. (audience laughing) Always wanted to pee with the boys. Oh, no way! (audience laughing) Come on boys, sally up and pee with dad. No. (audience laughing) ‘Cause you’re a little kid,
you got a little mushroom cap. (audience laughing) Dad unrolls his dick of death. (whooshing) (audience laughing)
(yelling) You guys have been a lot of fun. My name’s Tim Allen,
thank y’all very much. (audience clapping and clapping)

18 thoughts on “Tim Allen Grunts up a Storm at Rodney’s Place (1989)

  1. Never cared for the grunting. Made me feel like he was one of those Hollywood pansies making fun of masculinity.

  2. Hey Tim was and is still funny. When he hit it big and everybody loved the grunting comic, then his own show with a great cast. And then today 2018 another great show but the libtards can't stand a man with a political view. So even though the show has high ratings and is making money hand over fist the higher ups and their PC throw the show under the bus, because he spoke his mind. Libtards, and those in Hollywood dumb as painted rocks.

  3. He got better in the near 30 years since. I didn't go much for this bit, but I have enjoyed his humor on television.

  4. He was very unique, wether you thought he was or wasn’t funny. And uniqueness separates them from the average person

  5. Hello Tim love your comedy always have, and especially your TV shows. Feel free to subscribe the my channel and leave a comment

  6. 😳 My psychiatrist
    👔said, I have split peronalities
    Then, he said I owed him 80 bucks….
    So I paid him half and told him to get the rest from the other guy

  7. Haha 😂 this is great. Never knew he did stand up. I can DEFINITELY see how he gets his own show started. Almost the same material. Tools and grunts… I love this guys

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