oh thank goodness you’re here have you heard the news? the president’s nephew got fired it was only a matter of time, truly he was an idiot should have never been hired as head of surgery no but he was and now he’s gone so they’re looking for a new head surgeon now I”m not sure what this means for me, personally but this could be the biggest day of my life I could skip 198 years of needed experience and jump straight to the top I’m glad you got my message yes it is a dire situation I need your ears and your ears alone to prove that i have what it takes you were my worst case those were stubborn ones then they messed ’em up and I fixed them again so.. I think we’re going to take a look today and get them really, really, really, in tip top tip top tip top shape and present your ears to the board it’s my only chance and the time is now now.. how has your mission been going? being undercover? it’s not so bad, is it? no let’s see have you fallen in love with any humans yet? pathetic and.. have you noticed any….. odd staring or whispering about your ears or your appearance? perhaps just general appearance and not your ears in particular understandable have you had any itching, pus, oozing? anything of that nature from your ears? okay do your ears react to hot and cold? do they turn red? when it’s…freezing outside? do they sweat when it’s hot? okay alright let me see here ok the fold here is actually something that I’d like to discuss changing similar on this side alright that’s easily fixable, easily fixable have you thought about getting any piercings or anything of that nature? do you need it to fit in under cover? your social group may require it at some point so I want to make sure that your ears are suitable and sturdy enough for handling piercing and other things of that nature alright we have a bit of work ahead of us, don’t we? it’s ok well you’re gonna need the energy you want any? mmkay it is almost Christmas things have been wild up here absolutely wild well, well, well Santa doesn’t quite know what to do with all of the little boys and girls requesting things that aren’t actually physical objects Fortnite skins and such.. he’s very confused let’s see here I think… judging from your past records we went from size.. 8.26 down all the way to a 3.1 that’s pretty significant and should give me some clout with the board of directors I want to be able to show them that I can perform the surgeries of the ears, that I am measuring and marking and taking care of because myself and myself alone will be good at following my own marks and directions now.. let me clip your hair back I um, my mother sent me these she said I would look… cute in them clip your hair back here they’re alright I suppose nifty clip goodness there we are alright and I’m just going to give your ears a bit of a clean before we begin so just.. there we go let me get all of that dirt out let me clean a little there okay well they’ve been riding big toy trucks in and out of here all day, it’s.. a racket, it’s a nightmare alright the other side as well just get this clean clean out alright I need to be incredibly precise follow everything to a “T” and more… this is my.. one chance to impress ok let me get some basic measurements you didn’t have plans tonight, did you? well it’s not quite cold for it to be snowing just a bit odd for December *sigh* but the rains awful so, might as well just not go out at all alright hold still and let me just measure ..three.. or was that more three and a half? one..two..three..four four point seven three, four point….. okay and then that means that the cross line should be about one and four eighths coming in at one and three eighths pathetic pathetic okay two..three.. two, five… two…two, there we are there we are now if this is what we want indeed then we should have alright okay alright thank you very much, I’m going to move my stool over here so I can start working on your other side there we are now let’s see here one…two… three… now this… this is ……. what on…. heavens to….. Rudolph, what is this? what is this? a conspiracy against my work three point four seven three… four…. seven this is… that’s not even close! this is ok…we’re fine… this is good, I can prove to them that they need me they need me, because in my notes I had written the correct number, and here we have this fold here which should be directly parallel to this fold here but all I’m seeing is a mess an absolute mess I’m going to tell my mother I’m not coming home for dinner tonight she’s making our candied yams while that’s delicious for the first ten nights in a row, and then it’s just a bit too much yam in my candy, you know what I mean? okay all is not lost, don’t fret, you look so worried don’t be, don’t be, I can fix everything okay alright now the balance between each.. point should okay let me.. make a quick mark on each point of your ears here, so let me and I’m just going to place a little.. dot.. dot.. dot and a little.. dot.. dot.. and dot mmkay okay this all looks fine and dandy now let’s see if we can back it up from one point to the other ok a small adjustment there, but nothing.. too crazy from point one to two should be a little bit two to one.. two to two okay now three.. I see.. I see, I see, I see.. okay I understand what’s going on I just hope that it’s going to be enough time to bring out the big guns move this slightly aside here *sigh* the sky feels my pain here we go I need at least.. three and a fourth from corner of eye to tip of ear if we’re going to abide by the classic human standards and on this side from ear… to eye.. identical perfect alright, now we’re gonna do ear to ear no, from here to here, not ear to ear! oh, goodness okay okay everything’s checking out just fine, your proportions.. are very human-like so I see why they put you on this mission have you been partaking in the.. human tradition festivals? I see.. I see, I see that’s fine absolutely yes…football makes.. a lot of sense mmkay that’s good enough and now I go.. all the way back to the beginning now we must.. we must be as precise as we can when it comes to this part of the ear it’s the biggest mistake that everyone is making these days let me just….. look…at…what…we’ve…got a-ha! a-ha! a-ha a-ha a-ha I knew it! I knew it! ok let me double check my instruments are.. a level that you will never understand but I still have two just in case mmkay the calibration is…flawless now for … this ear I think.. I think we have ourselves a bit of a challenge, don’t we? but that’s ok we like a challenge, we love a challenge this is where I thrive okay alright and uh, just to double…triple…check I want to see this.. up close…right about here ok ok we’re going to need to do a bit of pre-surgery this won’t hurt a bit…I promise where’s my spray? now go ahead and uh, look straight ahead I’m just going to be spraying this a little bit over your ears and um, a little bit of this gel is going to go on either sides of dot on side one and a dot on side two, ok now wait a moment, just wait a moment, wait a moment wait a moment should be.. settling in yes I should probably get a haircut before I present them with the fact that I could be their next best surgeon perhaps I will employ these clips alright I’m gonna go ahead and touch your ear can you feel that? you can hear it but you can’t feel it, good your other ear you can hear it but you can’t feel it, good good because ‘m going to go in with thisI now this.. is a micro.. blade as the name suggests, it is a blade that is tinier than tiny, so do not fret, honestly, you didn’t even need the numbing spray but i will give it to you because I’m very compassionate now what I’m going to do with this..micro blade is make the tiniest most precise cuts.. into the folds of your ears this technique is brand new and I’m ready again, let me put this aside for now can’t have anything in my way would you like a pillow for your head? my mother crafted it herself just put that behind you prop you up there you go nice and comfortable okay alright here…we…go… yes, it sounds much worse than it is, don’t worry I’m barely, barely scratching the surface here this is.. exactly.. what’s going to make me shine show off in front of the board okay just hold still okay very good very good I was holding my breath there time for the other ear now.. my marks are.. perfect so there’s no need to worry about that okay hmm I see I see, I see, ok this is… alright not quite there, just a little a little more here that should do the trick perfect, perfect oh don’t touch a thing don’t touch a thing! you’re perfect! I think.. I think we did it I think I did it but you were here so, now.. my mother can tell me maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea to drop out of cookie college right? and now your ear number….. and ear number….. I’ll be able to submit to the board, it’s going to be… beautiful, in fact it’s been… quite a journey quite a journey indeed these last few years, but I honestly think that we’ve grown quite a bit, and I’ll cheers to that, absolutely well, um if you don’t have any plans, I was actually going to meet the uh, meet the other the other elves from my… from my group down at the, down at the bar if you’re interested alright then let’s do it!