Vladimir Putin Cold Open – SNL

Vladimir Putin Cold Open – SNL


>>HELLO, AMERICA.
YESTERDAY WE MADE DONALD TRUMP THE 45th PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED
STATES. HOORAY!
WE DID IT, HUH? AND TODAY MANY OF YOU ARE SCARED
AND MARCHING IN THE STREETS YOU ARE WORRIED THAT YOUR
COUNTRY IS IN THE HANDS OF THIS UNPREDICTABLE MAN, BUT DON’T
WORRY. IT’S NOT.
RELAX. I GOT THIS.
PUTIE IS GOING TO MAKE EVERYTHING OKAY.
I PROMISE THAT WE WILL TAKE CARE OF AMERICA.
IT IS THE MOST EXPENSIVE THING WE HAVE EVER BOUGHT.
I KNOW MANY OF YOU AMERICANS ARE SKEPTICAL OF PRESIDENT TRUMP.
MANY RUSSIANS WERE SKEPTICAL OF ME AT FIRST, TOO.
BUT TODAY NOBODY EVER SEEMS TO HEAR FROM ANY OF THEM.
IT’S LIKE THEY’RE GONE. IT ALWAYS WORKS OUT.
SO WHY ARE AMERICAN WOMEN PROTESTING?
IN RUSSIA, WOMEN HAVE NO REASON TO PROTEST.
LISTEN TO THIS WOMAN.>>HELLO.
I AM OLYA, A RUSSIAN WOMAN. I AM SO HAPPY.
EACH DAY I WAKE UP WITH BIG SMILE ON MY FACE LIKE THIS.
I SLEEP IN BED, NOT IN CARCASS OF DOG.
MY PRESIDENT IS NUMBER ONE HOTTIE FOR ALL TIME.
>>WHOA, WHOA. THAT’S A LOT.
BUT IT’S FAIR. HERE YOU GO.
>>OH, MY PENSION.>>NOW, DO I THINK YOUR NEW
PRESIDENT IS PERFECT? PERHAPS NOT.
BUT DON’T WORRY. I WILL GET HIM THERE.
DONALD, LET’S TALK AS FRIENDS. YOU’RE NOT OFF TO A GREAT START,
MAN. I THOUGHT YOU’D BE BETTER AT
THIS. HOWEVER, I’M GLAD TO SEE SO MANY
PEOPLE SHOWED UP TO YOUR INAUGURATION.
OH, WAIT. THAT’S THE WOMEN’S MARCH.
HERE IS INAUGURATION. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
AND TODAY YOU WENT TO THE CIA AND SAID ONE MILLION PEOPLE CAME
TO SEE YOU IN WASHINGTON, D.C.? IF YOU’RE GOING TO LIE, DON’T
MAKE IT SO OBVIOUS. SAY THAT YOU ARE FRIENDS WITH
LeBRON JAMES, NOT THAT YOU ARE LeBRON JAMES.
I SAW YOUR SPEECH, TOO. IT WAS A LITTLE BLEAK, NO?
TRUST ME. I KNOW BLEAK.
I WAKE UP EVERY DAY IN RUSSIA. ALSO, YOUR WHOLE INAUGURATION
WAS HEAVY ON THE GOD STUFF, HUH? I HAVE NEVER HEARD YOU SAY GOD
THAT MUCH. AND I HAVE TAPES OF YOU HAVING
SEX. WHAT WAS WITH THE OUTFIT ON
KELLYANNE CONWAY? LOOK?
DOES SHE WORK FOR YOU OR IS SHE HOLDING THE DOOR AT FAO
SCHWARZ? I STILL LOVE YOU, KELLYANNE.
ALSO A DEAR FRIEND. LISTEN, AMERICA.
IT’S GOING TO BE FINE. FRANKLY, WOULDN’T IT BE NICE TO
HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN OUR COUNTRIES AGAIN?
RUSSIA IS LEADING EXPORTER OF SO MANY THINGS AMERICANS NEED LIKE
OIL, TRACK SUITS AND SCARY PORNOGRAPHY.
WHO KNOWS? ONE DAY YOUR COUNTRY COULD BE AS
HAPPY AS WE ARE HERE IN RUSSIA. WE ARE NOT DIVIDED LIKE YOU.
ALL OUR PEOPLE ARE SO GLAD FOR THEIR FREEDOM.
SO, AMERICA, IT’S GOING TO BE A LONG FOUR YEARS FOR MANY OF YOU.
BUT, REMEMBER, WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER.
AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT’S “SATURDAY NIGHT!”

100 thoughts on “Vladimir Putin Cold Open – SNL

  1. 0:01 Russian Federation 🇷🇺: That guy lives in a fantasy world 🦄. He will never tame a horse like Putin himself.

  2. I never watch TV anymore, but this guy, Bennett, is the best looking comedian they have ever had, after Dan Ackroyd of course.  How long has he been on the show?  Later:  Wow, he just married a real hottie last year!

  3. Do You know the main difference between Trump and Putin? In America a multi billionaire became a president, in Russia – a president became a multi billionaire:) From Russia with love)

  4. слишком токсично…ничего общего с Россией кроме кремля на заднем фоне.

  5. is a soft dictator if you try to make fun of him i'll send you to jail let the public be bully lgbt the police doctors won't help you invaded Ukraine

  6. His speaking tone & speed variations weren't too bad. Just one little detail.. the original sibirian fox tends to speak looking through his lashes, chin tilted downward.

  7. SNL skit need some more information from the Putin dude..

    Haven't heard from him in a while.. what does he think now about dumpster #45?

    2019

  8. AMERICA FUCK UP
    YOU WANNA MAKE US HATE PUTIN SUCK A POWERFUL RUSSIAN DICK ITS NOT FUNNY >:( #RUSSIANSPUAD

  9. Its funny but how true it us today….idiot trump….watta a weak fool a con man who in the future you will all feel stupid for treating him like the messiah….jesus backed up his words with actions…if you cheer the words pay close attention to actions….PLEASE TRUMPERS DO THAT FOR AMERICA

  10. очень не плохая пародия) молодцы. удивлен что в Амерке знают наши проблемы так тонко

  11. Пацаны лайкните пускай иностранцы думают я что то умное написал)

  12. Can't believe you guys can work on President Putin better. Shouldn't show him with out shirt that much. You study Putin make him funnier! But this is still good start Putin with out shirt. And you may want to impersonate him worse. But the military set fires to Russia used secret chemical microwave gun and ufo attacks just like America and meet at summit at end of year. So do what I want our two countries guilty!

  13. Fuck Snl and their slanderous attacks on the President. Too bad for them and y’all who fell for the bullshit spewed by your dear media.

  14. it looks offensive for russian people, all these non-polite jokes about russian women
    just let u know, in russia women have more rights then in usa since the ussr comes

  15. "Remember, we're in this together." That line reminded me of my youth growing up with Red Green. There are many episodes of the show on YouTube. Besides I love both SNL & Red Green as a kid.

  16. NATO: NATIONAL AMERICAN TERRORISM ORGANIZATION. ALL OF TERORRIST CREATED BY AMERICA. Putin will fuck all USA together with China and India.

  17. Me : Many Russian people drive cars without driving license. How you gonna solve the problem?

    Putin : See. With or without driving license Russian people drive the same way.

  18. Love the "We're all in this together" line Putin said. That reminds me of when I loved watching Red Green growing up.

  19. I lost it when he said russia is a leading export in so many things american need like oil track suits and scary pornography

  20. Mocking Mocking Mocking .this is what u do best . Mr .Putin Showed integrity and earned everybody's respect not like your school boy trump . Live Long Puting .

  21. ))))Не стоит срать в штаны, когда вы видите Путина, он не такой страшный как вы думаете)))) У страха глаза велики, как у этого Беннета))) Кстати, он совсем не похож на нашего президента.

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